Green and Red: RNC makes like Gore... on a bike.

Okay, so this is the not the first time it’s happened. And it’s certainly a continuation of things to come as the Pio-Press tag teams with Politico. But it’s still strange-- and slightly awesome-- to click on a headline from the national website and be sent to a story written by a local. It reminds me of when Rowdy Roddy Piper got his big break and went from a powerhouse local fighter in Portland to a powerhouse national fighter. Though, I’m not sure if the Pio-press can rock a kilt quite as well… And to compare Politico to the likes of Randy Savage is completely unfair and demeaning to the hero who is the Macho Man.

Oh. Yeah!

Now, to the meat of it: within the Piolitico article, Dennis Lien talks about the green things that are being planned for the RNC.

Think hybrid electric trucks delivering soft drinks to the Xcel Energy Center. Almost 300 containers for used cans, bottles, paper and all other things recyclable. A thousand bicycles available for convention-goers to get around the Twin Cities. Recycled desk chairs, cubicles and carpeting. Even 45,000 biodegradable discount cards for visitors.

OK. Nothing too ground breaking going on. When are we going to get bloviate powered Teleprompters? Sheesh. That’s an untapped energy source. But the bike idea is interesting…

The bike effort, sponsored by the Humana health insurance company in conjunction with the Bikes Belong cycling advocacy group, is aimed at providing an emissions-free alternative to driving. Riders can use credit cards to check out bikes at no charge. The cards are to make sure they bring the bikes back.

Great idea, but downtown St. Paul is one of the worst places to ride a bike. It’s a barren landscape filled with skyways, crabby old men and bums hunting for fresh bottles of Colt 45. And while there are ways to avoid hills, getting out of downtown St. Paul requires constant spinning in the granny gear.

So where the hell are the convention goers going to travel to? And don’t Republicans travel solely by stretch-hummers that run on puppies? That’s what deluded Kucinich supporters seem to believe.

We can only assume the bikes will be used by interns, too poor to afford a rental car. But we hope the statesmen will take the opportunity to hop on a bike and hit the bars around Seven-Corners. And the car ban around the Xcel could turn the downtown in a mini bicycle utopia for the entire week.

Just think, Lindsey Graham on a cruiser. It could happen… maybe.

OK. Probably not.

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