Denny Hastert and the one-liner that got away

Denny Hastert and the one-liner that got away

So we thought it was cool as hell when a stretch-Hummer-Limo pulled up in downtown. It satisfied our hunch that Republicans roll like Akon. And then a group of high-rolling Korean businessmen rolled out one by one, doubling the cool nature of this incident. But then came along a man with a giant head. The former speaker of the house: D-Has.

Denny Hastert walked by with a waddle. Few protestors who were still bumbling around town recognized the yoda like lever puller of the GOP, but us CSPAN nerds knew it was a find. Along with ace reporter, Matt Snyders, we caught up with him, you know, hoping for an all-access on the spot interview.

Unfortunately, Hastert’s handler kept us at a distance, fumbling to turn around our name badges to see if we were legit. Once satisfied, Snyders unloaded his first question: Mr. Hastert, when can we expect the Democratic Party to become a legitimate opposition party?

The old man hunched toward us and began to spread his mug into a grin. The wheels inside the old man’s brain were searching for a witty one liner.

Then his handler got nervous. “Mr. Hastert really can’t answer any questions,” he says. “He needs to be somewhere right now.”

The handler then quickly stepped in between us and led him away before Hassert had a chance to answer.

But right before he walked away, his eyes drooped, and back within the recesses of his soul, maybe, just maybe, he shed a tear.

Or maybe that was us.

The grin up close:

Denny Hastert and the one-liner that got away

Popular Stories


Sponsor Content


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >