SEX & DRUGS & ROCK & ROLL >>

• BEST BLUES BAR
  Okay, it might be in a mall, and Uptown may not be Frogtown, that far more bluesworthy locale of the late, great Blues Saloon. But the smell of barbecue sauce wafts out of the Famous Dave's vents like a Kansas City breeze, the drinks flow like an outdoor street party in New Orleans, and if you... More >>
• BEST HAPPY HOUR
  Good happy hours sprang up all over town this year, with impressive relative newcomers--Chino Latino, Imperial Room--coexisting peacefully next to some of the old standbys--Liquor Lyle's, Green Mill. In addition to some very cheap drink deals (well drinks for $1.50? What year is it, 1988?),... More >>
• BEST ACOUSTIC PEFORMER
  After six albums and years of live performing, Dan Israel still hasn't quit his day job at the Minnesota State Capitol. Well, day jobs tend to pay better than night gigs, and Israel's regular-guy quality is part of his appeal. He's the next-door neighbor who gets home from work, takes out the... More >>
• BEST ADULT VIDEO STORE
  Seattle and New York have Toys in Babeland. San Francisco has Good Vibrations. For years it seemed as if every other city was comfortably enjoying its sex shopping but us. Finally, Minneapolis is fortunate enough to have its own discreet, women-owned adult store. The most obvious advantages... More >>
• BEST ALBUM OF THE LAST 12 MONTHS
  When you hear it, you know it: the same undeniable spirit that was in the air the first time we heard Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash, or Kat Bjelland exorcising herself into a mic, or Mason Jennings budding in his living-room practice space, or the Rhymesayers blooming in the Entry, or... More >>
• BEST ALL-AGES VENUE
  There are clubs with all-ages nights, and teen centers with age restrictions (for a full list of both, visit complicatedfun.com/allages). But the Garage is all-ages, all the time. Opened in 1999 by Eric Billiet, with help from the city of Burnsville, the suburban rock and hip-hop mecca has... More >>
• BEST BAND NAME
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• BEST BAND NAME (SECOND PLACE)
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• BEST BAND NAME (THIRD PLACE)
  What came first, the band or the Styrofoam Duck? While that question may never be answered, another one can: Yes, there really is a Styrofoam duck in the band. Six feet tall, this duck plays the keyboard and sings, while a giant lightbulb flashes in the center of his head. In addition, the... More >>
• BEST BAND TO BREAK UP IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS
  Low's latest, The Great Destroyer, contains a terrific tune called "Death of a Salesman," in which a Willie Loman figure takes up songwriting, but his friends insist "music's for fools," so he gives it up and burns his guitar to feed his family. The song could have been written by any number of... More >>
• BEST BARTENDER
  Used to be that a good man was hard to find, and this year we were chagrined to see that old axiom spill into the bartending profession. Our exhaustive--and we mean exhaustive--survey of bars around the metro rarely turned up a drink slinger who even pretended to be cheered by our presence, let... More >>
• BEST BEER SELECTION IN A BAR
  In recent years this category has been dominated, not surprisingly, by bars featuring massive selections of beer: the Muddy Pig, William's Uptown Pub and Peanut Bar, Old Chicago. Town Hall Brewery, the eight-year-old brewpub in Minneapolis's Seven Corners area, certainly can't compete with... More >>
• BEST BLOODY MARY
  Question: Can one drink be everything to everyone all of the time? Answer: Yes, if the drink in question is the estimable Bloody Mary at Ike's. For those purists who prefer that their cocktail act like a cocktail and not a meal, this Bloody is first and foremost a cocktail, though it is rather... More >>
• BEST BLUES BAND
  There's no shortage of bar bands out there sleepwalking through blues changes and soul covers, but a tight band of true believers is increasingly a rarity. The long-lived Butanes play blues and Southern soul for hardcore fans, and tend to convert some dabblers in the process. Leader Curtis... More >>
• BEST CLUB DJ
  A pale woman in a black bob wig is facing the wall, gripping a bar suspended from the ceiling. A second woman, this one with red sparkle pasties covering her nipples, is facing her with a paddle in hand. It's another typical Saturday night at Ground Zero in Minneapolis, and the club's bondage... More >>
• BEST COCKTAILS
  Contrary to some bartender's mixing skills, a cocktail shouldn't be a drink that makes you gag when sipped from the top before stirring, or one that simply masks the alcohol content well, or one that's mostly ice and served up with a coffee stirrer. A good cocktail should be a complex sipping... More >>
• BEST CONCERT OF THE LAST 12 MONTHS (TOURING ACT)
  When Brian Wilson announced he would finally release SMiLE, the delayed-for-37-years follow-up to Pet Sounds, the talk surrounding the resulting tour was both enthusiastic and doubtful. While fans had fawned over bootleg studio tracks for decades, most could admit the sad truth: The guy just... More >>
• BEST CONCERT OF THE PAST 12 MONTHS (LOCAL ACT)
  Saturday, September 4, through Monday, September 6, 2004 at the Turf Club If a man performs one song for three days straight and the national media don't come, did it happen? Last year, Mark Mallman's round-the-clock labor of Labor Day Weekend love felt like an exploration of the meaning of... More >>
• BEST CONCERT VENUE
  Long a hidden clubhouse for down-and-out boozehounds, Thin Lizzy cover bands, and country-western hobbyists, this little saloon ain't just for trucks anymore. We've got Chris Dorn, frontman for sporadically active popsters the Beatifics, to thank for the transmutation. Last September, Dorn took... More >>
• BEST DANCE CLUB
  Give First Avenue credit for balls: Their dance nights have been pared down, with the V.I.P. room temporarily closed, and regular Mainroom dance hours reduced to Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays (with a 21+ age restriction all three nights). But instead of establishing a surefire cheesy dance... More >>
• BEST GAY BAR
  In the Queer Eye era--one of exfoliation, aromatherapy, seaweed wraps, etc.--some on the outside might forget that not every gay man in America wants his bikini line waxed. In fact, every queer guy could use a little straight eye once in a while, and that's where the 19 Bar comes in.... More >>
• BEST HIP-HOP ARTIST
  Minnesota vocalists ranging from Bob Dylan to Craig Finn have moved to New York City to freshen the imagination, get noticed, and come out writing better than ever--about Minnesota. But Kill the Vultures are probably the first transplants to improve their creative fortunes by moving back: The... More >>
• BEST HIP-HOP DJ
  The best-named DJ in town proved on last year's E&A (with perennial cohort MC Eyedea) that the national attention that comes with national distribution (via Epitaph Records) doesn't have to stunt your growth. Abilities and Eyedea both came into their collabo from successful runs on the... More >>
• BEST IRISH PUB
  Authenticity is everything with an Irish pub, so sorry, Minneapolis. Nobody does the Irish thing like St. Paul. The Liffey is located in the heart of the city's downtown, in a hotel, next to a sex shop and pizzeria, and, after a few Guinnesses, it can sometimes feel like a stop on some... More >>
• BEST JAZZ ARTIST
  Like the Steele family, the Peterson clan contains so many notable musicians that individuals too often get subsumed in the surname gumbo. But Billy Peterson, who has recorded with everyone from Lee Konitz to Leo Kottke, frequently tours with Steve Miller, played on Dylan's Blood on the Tracks,... More >>
• BEST JAZZ CLUB
  The Artists' Quarter is funkier, cheaper, and a better spot to hear up-and-comers, and there are certainly other small and mid-sized spots in town where one can hear great jazz, but the Dakota is this category's perennial winner for a reason. Hearing world-class live jazz in a small setting is... More >>
• BEST JUKEBOX
  This category always comes down to the same handful of candidates. Grumpy's Bar continues to frustrate us by keeping the volume on its excellent jukebox turned way too low. The Turf Club's music machine spends too many hours out of circulation owing to the live-music offerings. And the C.C.... More >>
• BEST KARAOKE
  Ask anyone who's ever launched into "Purple Rain" on the encouragement of a roomful of strangers and a half-dozen cold ones: Karaoke is empowering. Like double vision in reverse, these often-hideous forays into barroom crooning blur the distinction between audience and performer, magically... More >>
• BEST LESBIAN BAR
  This moveable queer dance night has perhaps best been described as a cornucopia of women: twentysomethings dressed to the nines and fortysomethings who have been dressed to the nines for years; college students, professional women, and auto mechanics. The music includes R&B, salsa, and... More >>
• BEST LINGERIE
  Let's face it: Victoria's Secret is that's she's boring. If the purpose of lingerie is to make you feel sexier and more naked than when you're merely wearing nothing, why not slip into something truly bad? For 20 years, Wild Rose Tanning and Lingerie has made people feel comfortable doing just... More >>
• BEST LIVE ARTIST
  The self-titled debut 10-inch by real-life siblings Brother and Sister takes yesterday's guitar rock redux out of the garage and bounces it right into the rumpus room, full as it is with wailing, wanky solos and bouncy drum beats. It's pretty fun stuff, but compared to the singular joy of... More >>
• BEST LOCAL MUSIC COMPILATION
  Lately, great various-artist packages devoted to specific music scenes in the Twin Cities tend to be tied to ephemeral events: Unless you were at the festivals that inspired last year's 3rd Annual Twin Cities Celebration of Hip-Hop and Minnesota Sur Seine CDs (both manufactured by Copycats... More >>
• BEST LOCAL RECORD LABEL
  In 2004, online distro outfits like iTunes and the new Napster redux finally started making good on an old promise: They proved that the masses, when their pocketbooks and sloth are catered to, will pay real cash for digital tunes, thus blowing the roof off this dance party we call the music... More >>
• BEST MARGARITA
  Margarita purists are hard-pressed to find a more authentic margarita than la Señora at Boca Chica Restaurante ($6.75). Lime juice, tequila, and triple sec over ice in a salt-rimmed glass puts the Slurpee-sweet concoctions found at other restaurants to shame. The tequila selection is... More >>
• BEST MARTINI
  Step into any martini bar these days and you may find yourself faced with a dilemma--whether to order the straight-up James Bond-style martini, or the colorful, glamorous-mixed-drink-masquerading-as-a-martini martini. Thankfully, Joe's Garage manages to artfully dodge this conundrum by offering... More >>
• BEST NEIGHBORHOOD BAR--MINNEAPOLIS
  In our judgment, the best neighborhood bar can't be trendy. It can't even be new. It has to be the kind of place you can count on to be there, decade in and decade out, with longstanding regulars but room for newbies. At the Poodle, they're not about to change the formula that's been working... More >>
• BEST NEIGHBORHOOD BAR-ST. PAUL
  The Groveland Tap, though small and often cramped on the weekends, offers the best of many types of bars. Up front is the classic pub section where you can sit in a roomy cherry-stained wooden booth and read a book with a burger and a pint, or have a quiet chat with an old friend while... More >>
• BEST NEW BAND
  A quick internet search told you nothing and everything about this bearded bunch of Southern-fried rockers: no press, no biography, just page after page of concert dates and "best-of" lists. There's some pretty uncomplicated math behind that gigs-to-adoring-fans ratio, and it defines the kind... More >>
• BEST OPEN-MIC NIGHT
  The Saturday night after the presidential election, we were in need of a soul-balm. We needed to be with people. Not even people we knew or people just like us, just people. So we had a cookie and a cup of coffee and went to the Southern at midnight and saw a couple of guys do a scary-spare... More >>
• BEST POLKA BAND
  For whatever reason, Lady Hard-on open every show they play, which means in the past year they've left hordes of otherwise well-prepared performers with the impossible task of following the best Siamese-sister polka act we've ever seen. (Okay, we hadn't previously seen conjoined siblings do the... More >>
• BEST PUNK BAND
  Who knows what lead screamer Travis Bos is carrying on about, and who cares? His larynx-destroying ululations are just one hyperanimated component of this essentially instrumental band. Arty but not phony, danceable but not trendy, mindful of history but not retro (check how Bos's '60s garage... More >>
• BEST R&B ARTIST
  Despite their hit singles and high-profile admirers, Mint Condition have never quite gotten the respect they deserve, so it's nice that they're giving us another chance to show the love. After a six-year break, the group has a new album, Livin' the Luxury Brown, and a new label, their own... More >>
• BEST ROCK BAND
  Rock 'n' roll will never die, which may explain why so many of its elder practitioners look like they're molded from reanimated flesh (have you seen a Velvet Revolver video?). In spite of rock's Lazarus-like will to live, 2004 was the year of anti-rockism, the fiery debate fueled by the modest... More >>
• BEST ROCK CLUB
  There are some who will say that deeming First Avenue "Best Rock Club" is like giving Grammys to the dead guy. It is a little too easy, but this is no sympathy vote. Like a near-death experience, the brief demise of the Twin Cities' most famous nightclub taught us not to take things for... More >>
• BEST SONGWRITER
  John Hermanson was on the cover of this rag a few months ago. In a dress. He can often be seen singing and playing guitar on local stages. In a tracksuit. That he is costumed and mostly out of the spotlight for his duties as the least flashy member of Olympic Hopefuls is perfectly poignant, for... More >>
• BEST STRIP CLUB
  We're as into strip clubs as the next guy--unless the next guy happens to be, say, Kid Rock--but frankly, we find most of them around here to be problematic. They tend to range from high-end crass to outright scummy. And the main problem with all of them is that they simply cost too much money.... More >>
• BEST VOCALIST (FEMALE)
  She doesn't send out e-mails or postcards about her next big gig, because she doesn't have a next big gig. She doesn't hang out in any scene, because, as is usually the case, most great singers are scenes unto themselves. Sometimes, she doesn't even sing. When she does, it's almost reluctantly,... More >>
• BEST VOCALIST (MALE)
  Bellwether was the best local alt-country band since the Jayhawks, but when they broke up last year, it was only a minor tragedy. For one thing, the alt-country scene around here is so buttressed with talent and so unbothered by attention that it just might live forever. For another, Bellwether... More >>