BEST PLACE TO DUMP SOMEONE - 2003
Loring Park is suitable for any sort of dumping you have in mind. It allows for some privacy but is still public enough to avoid most nasty scenes, is scenic enough for you to avoid eye contact, and, most important, is surrounded by a world of possibilities. Perhaps you'll get lucky and make a guilt-free exit, as your once beloved decides you were only holding her back anyway and heads to MCTC to immediately better herself by studying filmmaking or criminal justice. A dumpee could also walk over the elevated footbridge to the Walker Art Center to contemplate renderings of other heartbreaks and thereby know he's not completely alone in the world. Another might work out his frustrations in game of pickup basketball. Or maybe replace you right away with a patron of nearby Bar Lurcat. And if the former object of your affections chooses to eschew all those options in favor of joining the alcoholic homeless guy feeding the geese, well, it's not your fault. You tried, right?