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BEST BOUNCERS Minneapolis 2001 -

Whatever you do, kindly refrain from using that hostile, archaic term in their presence. Bouncers. The very job title makes it sound like these people spend all their time sending heads caroming off a wall. Security personnel deserve a little sensitivity, just like you, and at the Quest, the preferred term is "public-relations specialists." So please courteously dispense with your uncultured Roadhouse images--the thug wearing the wife-beater, aiming blows at the kidneys first. At the Quest you are greeted as a respected patron at a fine restaurant, and these refined, well-dressed hosts make it their concern that you are content, comfortable, and having a good time. They will also continue to convey that special feeling to you from entrance to exit. Can't find the coat check? Just ask. Need a good vantage point from which to watch the show? They will find you the best one available. And if, during the course of your evening, you find that feeling of specialness turning to a less-than warm-and-fuzzy inclination to get all Jackie Chan on the drunken A-hole that's macking on your date, you are most encouraged to seek out one of these sympathetic guardians to discuss your discontent--and rest assured, a resolution will be reached in a civilized fashion. With 10 to 14 of them on the job per 1,000 club patrons on any given night, you may enjoy your soiree with the reassurance that you are protected and loved. Okay, protected.

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