BEST POLITICIAN - 1998
He's not cool. He's not even funny. He's annoying as hell, running around with that tight-lipped smile, that rumpled shirt, that voice that never quite broke. He's your grade-school civics teacher, your senior-high student-government enthusiast writ large; worst of all, he seems to actually believe all that stuff about democracy, ethics, and fairness. Doesn't he know that it doesn't work that way? That what counts is the well-placed handshake, the audible guffaw, the check discreetly accepted? And where does he get off complaining about public funding of sports arenas, about the drug companies' stranglehold on consumers' wallets, about the tax "reform" that always seems to end up in the pockets of the rich? Maybe someone should tell the state senator from Roseville that politics isn't about being right or doing good. And while you're at it, find him a coordinating tie, will you?