City Pages (sorta, kinda, not really) scientifically determined this one. Back in September, we launched a poll asking for the best/worst band name in the Twin Cities. Amazing candidates such as Gay Witch Abortion, the Pistol Whippin' Party Penguins, and Hyperslob & the Goat Meat Explosion emerged. But one act ran away with the contest, earning more than 20 percent of the 538 total votes: Ass Bastards of Mordor. The sludgy punk-metal outfit formerly known as Arnold's Big Outrageous Muscles promises to "melt your dick with rock and rolls," an on-brand decree from the fantastical quartet known for hit songs like "Heathen Highway," "Doom Nuke Em' 3D 64," and "Hobo Killer." Long live Ass Bastards of Mordor!