Jesse Ventura Not Running For Reelection

Gone. Vanished. Vamoosed, as he might put it. Say what you want about our old gov, but Citizen Ventura still has an impeccable sense of timing. He bailed on running for reelection when he saw the state's budget crisis looking him dead in the eye. He put the kibosh on a musical about his life that would have made him look like a self-indulgent pantywaist. He survived the scoffs when it was announced that he'd have a talk show--and a $2 million annual salary--with MSNBC. Then the war broke out and saved Ventura the embarrassment he was sure to create. But admit it, you kinda miss having old Jesse to kick around, don't you? In other words, after four years of hissy fits and cheap shots, the guy has somehow left us wanting more. Certainly he'll rise again--he just can't stand being out of the spotlight--but not while everything in the world is so fucking serious. No, leave everything to the career politicians and talking heads for now. Latest word has it that the Venturas are selling the family ranch in Maple Grove and may move to quieter, more isolated Lake City. In the meantime, Jesse will surely be lying low, stroking his boa, counting his money, and plotting his revenge.


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