BEST BEACH (1999)
Take your air-conditioned SUVs up to your cool cabins and your crystal clear lakes. Relax on your swaying docks with your cooperative kids. Grill your lake fish and frolic by your campfires. We'll take the gravelly shore and the half-nude punk rockers. The teens smoking ditchweed beneath that bony tree with gnarled roots. The bad mustaches and the hacky-sack game that knows no end. Keep your gargling loons at sunset. We've got the Burlington Northern belching and thundering in the distance, and the keening of day campers across the water as they pull one another's swimsuits wedgie-ward with wicked intent. Wanna know the truth? We prefer dogs with personality disorders. We like muddy lake bottoms that suck on one's feet like a wet dental mold. To us, the faint scent of organic decay is an aphrodisiac. We think it looks sexy to shake cigarette butts from our thighs as we brush off the sand. Keep your outstate idylls. We've got summer in the city, and it smells like Cedar Lake.