BEST RESTAURANT WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS PAYING (1998)
Whenever we chance upon a patron with bottomless pockets, we have him or her escort us to Morton's. Once there, we invariably order the whole baked 3- to 5-pound Maine lobster that's overnighted daily from the coast (market price, which currently translates to no less than $70). When the beast arrives at our table, we attack it with both hands, tearing with all our might, grunting and uttering other sounds of satisfaction that make the diners at neighboring tables feel like wimps with their merely exquisite $30 porterhouses. We could peruse the wine list and choose from one of its nearly 500 entries, but why bother when we already know what we want: a bottle, no, make that two bottles of Louis Roederer Cristal Champagne ($195 a pop!). How nice once in a while to spend as much on dinner as our grandpa did on his first house. And how nice not to have to pay for it.