Wanted: One professional photographer available for the all-day shooting of a wedding in Wisconsin later this year.
(Note: Must be willing to take pictures of virgins boning.)
A seemingly earnest ad posted to Craigslist in late June makes this very specific request of a potential photographer in the Madison, Wisconsin area. Indeed, the listing says it has proven "difficult" to find someone willing to shoot the "whole day from beginning to end." Meaning: Pre-wedding, wedding, wedding party, wedding night sex.
Probably not the best sex, either. According to the listing, neither bride nor groom has ... you know... gone all the way.
"We have both saved ourselves for marriage and understand our first time will be awkward," they write.
Pretty thoughtful, candid stuff there. But that sentence wasn't over.
"...but do not think it will be that much more awkward for a photographer to be there," it continues.
Oh, you dear, sweet, innocent, ridiculous people. Awkardness is not something with some outer limit, like the speed of light, the boiling point, or absolute zero. Awkward knows no bounds.
For example: If you don't think adding another person would be much more awkward, couldn't you just get someone who'll already be there to take pictures of you naked? Why not ask your parents? (See what we mean?)
The ad doesn't specify if said photographer is supposed to linger throughout consummation or quietly slip out the door in search of a place to wash their hands once they've seen enough.
The polite listing adds they want their lovemaking documented "in a beautiful and tasteful way." We would counter that whether the photos are "beautiful" and "tasteful" also depends on who's having the sex, and how they're having it. But perhaps we should leave that a mystery, one of many this couple will only begin to understand as they take this journey into marriage... and each other.
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