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What's a 'warmist'? And aren't there better jokes about Eric Dayton?

This is the future conservatives want... but picture it underwater. Eric Dayton, for one, doesn't think this sounds like a good idea.

This is the future conservatives want... but picture it underwater. Eric Dayton, for one, doesn't think this sounds like a good idea. Associated Press

Let us not act like Mark Dayton's sons are beyond reproach.

Born into not one, but two legendary American families, Eric and Andrew Dayton are budding entrepreneurs in the spirit of both lineages. The press eats them up. Just a few samples, local and national, can be found here, here, here, and here, but really the list goes on and on. 

They own one of the best restaurants in Minneapolis (try the toast!), one of the hottest cocktail bars (try literally everything! Don't drive home!) and one of the hottest boutique men's wear shops (ask them how they came up with that name!), all three located in the city's hottest neighborhood for young money. And for reasons beyond City Pages, they keep foisting hats that just say "North" on us, and people seem to buy them.

Plus, by nearly all accounts, the Dayton fellas are handsome and kind. Ugh. 

If they hadn't gone into the branded-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life restaurant/apparel business, the Dayton boys probably could've done... literally anything else. They were born to be successful and popular, and they are. And for that, they, like all lucky people, deserve some gentle shit-talking from time to time.

That's why it's so unfortunate some internet weirdos are coming after Eric Dayton for precisely the wrong reasons. If there is a better long-term cause to inherit from your beloved and soon-retiring governor/father than "don't kill the planet," we can't think of one. And yet.

What on God's green earth does this mean? We at City Pages wouldn't have known (we don't follow Tom "@tan123" Nelson on Twitter; our self-hatred goes only so far) and evidently neither did the Daytons. Per an Askov Finlayson press release out this week: "We had to look it up, and when we did—well, we couldn’t have been prouder."

The press release includes a definition, the same one rendered under a basic Google search, which goes like this:

warmist (noun) A person who accepts the proposition that climate change caused by human activity is occurring (used by those who do not accept this proposition).

...though the crack investigative team at City Pages was also able to find another super helpful definition from Urban Dictionary, which reads as follows:

A brainwashed cult of atheists, leftists, socialists, anarchists, academicians, and algoreans dedicated to the belief that the earth is getting hotter due to the actions of humans. Cultists are characterized by inability to think logically, foaming-at-the-mouth hatred of those who have different beliefs, and a constant craving for Kool-Aid.
Young cultists wear Chullo hats and hemp bracelets.
Older cultists wear worn-out corduroy sports jackets and drive Volvo station wagons.

So, couple options there, pick your poison. (Just kidding, conservatives and corporations have already picked enough poison to go around.) This city's probably gonna side with Eric Dayton and, like... all the scientists?

Which is why Askov Finlayson was quick to fashion a commercial response to whoever the hell Tom Nelson is. They've started selling shirts featuring this "peculiar insult" on them. They look like this:

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...and come in one color, four sizes, and made out of "heavyweight organic cotton." Some percent of proceeds go to good shit.

Which leads us to say: Goddammit, you weirdo internet goons. These Dayton dudes have enough ideas already. Do not give them  another excuse to do the right thing and make money all at once! We're getting sick of this.

And by "this," we suppose we mean the blithe and unceasing movement toward the end of a livable planet. Buy one of these sweatshirts if you want. Do not follow Tom Nelson on Twitter or anywhere else. He marches to the end of a plank, and probably doesn't even own an otherwise nondescript $85 gray sweatshirt.