What We're Smoking: An Irregular Consumer Guide
Availability: The August dry spell seems to be over and prices remain stable. With the fall harvest right around the corner, smokers report heavy use of the "buddy" system. Local chronic "Molly" states, "This has been one of the worst summers ever, proving that a 'friend with weed is a friend indeed.'"
|Drooler||2:00 p.m., 8/2/02||Arnold's kitchen, south Minneapolis||1/2 ounce||$180||Dark green; large, loose buds; no seeds.||Sid Hartman + Sid Krofft = wrinkly puppet with head up ass|
|KARE Package||1:00 p.m., 9/1/02||Tom Thumb parking lot, Anoka||1/4 ounce||$25||Greenish brown; small, dirty buds; lots of stems and seeds.||This homegrown Minnesota strain is nothing but a $25 bag of dirty air. Bobby and Belinda would be ashamed to grow this in their garden.|
|Rosh Hashanah||11:45 p.m., 9/1/02||Wedge neighborhood parking lot||1/8 ounce||$50||Mint-green with orange highlights; full, sturdy buds with a light sheen.||Welcome to the High Holy Days. The Day of Atonement will never come!|
|Boulder Bud||6:00 p.m., 9/15/02||1977 Ford Ranchero, Colfax Ave. S., Minneapolis||1/8 ounce||$60||Pale green with full crystalline coverage; compact buds.||The Boulder Bud is sweet, delicious, and not widely available in the Twin Cities, much like Quisp cereal. Mmmm...Quisp.|
|Homer Hanky||6:00 p.m., 9/6/02||Stu's furnace room, Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis||1/8 ounce||$50||Light on the green, heavy on the orange hairs, semi-sticky.||First hit: catch Twins Fever. Second hit: Radke is the godhead|
|Purple Pride||1:00 a.m. , 9/8/02||Parking lot, Excelsior Ave., St. Louis Park||1/4 ounce||$50||Dull green with purple and gold hairs; tightly packed buds.||A decent start, but no extra points.|
|B.C. Hay||2:00 p.m., 9/17/02||Parking lot near Famous Dave's , Minneapolis||1/4 ounce||$50||A deep gator green. Mostly shake.||B.C. Hay looks as handsome as a Mountie in dress regalia--but performs as impotently as the Canadian Navy.|
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Minneapolis & St. Paul and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.