Top life lessons learned from The Sandlot
YOU GUYS. Read that last part again and explain why you don't have your tickets yet.
When the Sandlot gang comes face to face with their arch rivals, big man Ham goes insult-for-insult with some spoiled dickbag named Phillips. After some intense slams, including "butt sniffer" and "scab eater," Ham nails him with the death blow: challenging Phillips's baseball skills by comparing him to a female. This statement will win you pretty much any argument, either at work, home, or even in government. Use it wisely.
2. Faking your own death is the ultimate way to score chicks
In the classic "nerd loves girl" scene, our man Squints fakes his own pseudo-death in a pool, as a clever ploy to suck face with certified hot chick (and top-notch lifeguard) Wendy Peffercorn. Is it sleazy as hell? Yes. Could it technically be considered assault? Maybe. But did it give hope to generations of nerdy dudes hoping to make out with hot lifeguards? Goddamn right. God bless you, Squints. Keep lotioning and oiling.
This is the only way to make a s'more. Pay attention.
Sunday, May 19
Approximately 4:30 p.m. (following the Twins vs. Red Sox game)
More information here
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