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Top 5 homophobes who turned out to be gay

Pastor Tom Brock became a viral sensation this week after he was outed by the local gay magazine, Lavender.

Brock famously blamed the tornado that struck downtown Minneapolis on a church's embrace of gay clergy. Turns out he was caught up in a whirlwind of self-loathing.

Brock has taken a leave of absence, but the hypocrite hasn't ruled out continuing to serve in the job he thinks gays shouldn't have.

Look out for more tornadoes!

The most surprising part about the story is just how common it is: We've become accustomed to homophobes being closeted homosexuals.

At this point, if someone loudly advocates against gay marriage, it's a good bet they're just trying to preserve all the young, single guys.

Here's our list of the Top 5 homophobes who turned out to be closet cases.

Ted Haggard was filled with the holy spirit ... and meth.
Ted Haggard was filled with the holy spirit ... and meth.

5. Ted Haggard had a history of loud support for anti-gay legislation, until a gay prostitute he'd been paying for sex and meth called his bluff. Haggard was forced out of the church. After he left, the scandals continued, with more men coming forward to report kneeling at Haggard's altar. You'd think a guy who'd lived such a lie would be embarrassed enough to fade quietly away. But, no--Haggard kept writing books and showing up on television. And despite the fact that he'd made $200,000 the year the scandal broke, plus a $138,000 severance package, Haggard sent out an e-mail asking for donations to support his family. The reason? Haggard was pursuing a degree in counseling.

 

4. George Rekers

, founder of the gay-bashing institution Family Research Council, was one of the brightest haters in the homophobic firmament until last month, when he fell to earth in a blaze of gayness. That's when our sister paper caught Rekers cavorting through Europe with a lovely young twink he'd hired through rentboy.com. Nothing to see here, Rekers told the press, insisting he'd hired the lad to help carry his luggage as he recovered from back surgery. Which sounded perfectly plausible--who among us hasn't hired a home health aide from Men4RentNow.com or gone to AllMaleEscorts.com for help cleaning the gutters?-- until we saw the photos of Rekers at the airport handling his own luggage just fine.

 

3. California State Sen. Roy Ashburn made his homophobia clear by his legislative record. The guy once voted against a Harvey Milk recognition day. He also opposed California recognizing gay marriage licenses from out of state. It was then all the more surprising to his constituents when word leaked that he had been arrested for drunk driving after leaving a gay nightclub. Ashburn eventually admitted to being gay on a radio show, explaining that his political and personal lives were kept separate. We have a feeling dealing with that political life isn't going to be a problem for much longer.

 

Bob Allen offered $20 to blow a cop. Oops.
Bob Allen offered $20 to blow a cop. Oops.

2. Republican Florida state Rep. Bob Allen was well-known for his record of voting against gay rights. He was a crusader for the anti-gay movement, voting 90 percent in line with the Christian Coalition, a group dedicated to anti-gay legislation. So it was pretty unfortunate when Allen was busted offering a plainclothes officer a blowjob and $20 in a public park bathroom. But perhaps his explanation for the "confusion" was even better than the bust itself: Allen said he offered the cop a BJ and cash because he is afraid of black people and "didn't want to become a statistic". Based on his hypocrisy over his sexuality, we'll just conclude he actually can't get enough of the stocky black men. Embrace it, Allen!

 

Larry Craig took the world's most embarassing bathroom break
Larry Craig took the world's most embarassing bathroom break

1. Larry Craig, the dependable senatorial scold on all matters gay, really put Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport on the map with his bathroom stall footsie. How could Larry not have heard of Craigslist? He argued he just has a "wide stance" when taking a dump, then pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, then decided to appeal all the way to the Supreme Court--proving his sense of jurisprudence is as wacky as his bathroom ettiquette. Retiring from public life, Craig's bathroom escapade will go down as little more than a political footnote.


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