OMG soooo excited to spend tonight with my girls!!!!!! Best single's awareness day everrrrrrrrr!
Facebook really has made things worse, hasn't it?
Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and that means every person with a Facebook page will be posting at least one status update about how much they love/hate/don't care/care too much about the sexiest holiday of the year. While every person is entitled to their own opinion, on February 14 the site turns into a black hole of brutal status updates, making it a total buzzkill for anyone planning to stalk their respective exes. Unless you're drunk, that is.
Let's face it: No matter how satisfying your love life is, your morbid curiosity is going to get the best of you, and you're going to end up logging in to see the train wreck. So why not make a game of it? By following this easy-to-use key, you can take back control of your news feed this Valentine's Day while getting completely blasted with the first-ever F.B.V.D.L.D.G. (Facebook Valentine's Day Love Drunk Game. The acronym is still a work in progress, but you get the point). So hit the liquor store, and get clicking. Read through the rules after the jump.
[jump] 1. Every mention of "singles awareness day" = one shot.
2. Every overly romantic declaration of love for someone's respective boo = one shot.
2b. If that person's boo comments back with an overly romantic response = two shots, "cheers'd" together to signify their love.
3. Every girl who talks about how excited she is to "spend the night with her girls [insert names]" = one shot per name mentioned.
4. Each guy who attempts to seem sensitive by "wishing he had someone to cuddle with" = one half shot (that man doesn't deserve a full shot).
5. Each guy who posts something about how he'll be happy to be anyone's Valentine (*hint: boning) = slam one beer, smash can on head.
6. For every sad post from a lonely person desperately seeking attention = take a five-second pull off the bottle.
6a. People who respond to said-lonely post with comments like, "I still love you!" = one shot per response.
6b. Person responds to attention seeker with "Suck it up" = find that person, buy them anything they want.
7. Every post that includes mention of the F.B.V.D.L.D.G. = one champagne shower to celebrate both sexiness and their awesome choice in drinking games.
This year, skip the DVD marathon of Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, and Robocop 2. For the first time in Valentine's Day and social networking history, you can make it cool to sit home alone on the couch drinking your face off and cheering on the cries for attention from your pseudo-friends on the internet.
Feel free to add on to this list, pass the bottle and get ready to have the best V-Day celebration you'll never remember.