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The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

If you're familiar with Chris Kluwe's opinionated, profanity-strewn internet pieces, you've already got a pretty good idea what his book is like. Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies is a glorious mishmash of essays, letters, articles, and thoughts collected by the outspoken punter. However, it's not all cockmonsters and sparkleponies here.

See also: Game Changer: Chris Kluwe takes a stand [Cover Story] Best Unlikely Activist - Chris Kluwe

Kluwe dives into his first book with passion and a little bit of trepidation, openly describing his writing process and switching styles throughout the work. While he's known for his "beautifully unique" vocabulary, he proves himself a worthy philosopher with a slew of anecdotes and hypothetical situations that play as modern representations of classic allegories. He explores topics including fatherhood, national tragedies, privilege, and entertainment, managing to bring readers along for the ride, stream of consciousness-style, with a touch of refinement.

Kluwe opines on various themes (dinosaurs included), but it's clear that there are some things he's uncomfortable discussing: himself. However, he manages to gets his points across without chapters upon chapters about every event that has shaped him so far. It's refreshing for a book that's essentially one man's thoughts on everything under the sun.

Oh, and don't look for anything about his former Vikings teammates. Though Kluwe touches on football a few times, there aren't any juicy details.

Though we recommend you go out and read this guy's wisdom for yourself, we picked out some of our favorite tidbits for you.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

11. Kluwe's grasp of language and words have proved insanely successful for the athlete, and you can bet there'll be a lot of discussion about what works and doesn't.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

10. Just like he tore into homophobia with his infamous letter on Deadspin, Kluwe rips apart gun nuts' arguments with his one-of-a-kind command of the English language.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

9. Doesn't Ayn Rand do that to everyone?

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

8. Preach.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

7. Rough life, huh.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

6. Kluwe lays out just what you need to rule over the masses, and it ain't pretty.  

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

5. Ridiculously wealthy pro-athletes have to deal with terrible toilet paper, too.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

4. His alternative to button-mashing without consequences.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

3. Cut the players some slack. Losing games and messing up plays sucks for them, too.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

2. The first step in Kluwe's guide on how to win the internet.

The most hilarious and thought-provoking parts of Chris Kluwe's new book

1. Cheers to that. (Though we hope this won't happen for a long time yet.)


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