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The greatest (and final) Holidazzle drinking game ever

The greatest (and final) Holidazzle drinking game ever
Patrick Kelley Worldwide Photography

Well shit. We heard the news a couple of months ago, but now it's starting to feel real. This
season is the Holidazzle's final march down Nicollet Mall.

For 22 years, families from all over the Twin Cities have emerged from their suburban cocoons and made the trek downtown, braving cold, crowds, and crazy traffic in order to catch a glimpse of a giant lit-up snowman doing doughnuts in the street. There are only eight Holidazzles this holiday season (Friday and Saturday from November 29 through December 21), which means there's only one way to celebrate the end of a time-honored holiday tradition: booze.

Before you cram your body into the yuletide masses this weekend, pop over to Brit's and get one of their spiked hot drinks (or grab your flask; it is the holidays, after all), and take one final trip through the brightly lit, boozy world with our Holidazzle drinking game.

Every time the parade is stopped for an angry driver who didn't get the memo: 3-second pull.

This is one of the silent joys of Holidazzle. It's been going on for 22 YEARS, people. Every single weekend during the holidays. Yet somehow, every year some dude decides to get all Hans Gruber (the greatest villain in holiday history, BTW), and drive his or her Taurus right through the heart of some serious neon memories. While they get pissed, you get drunk. Bonus points if they get in an argument with a cop in the process.


Inflatable light bulb falls over: Social drink.

There are a ton of kiddos who volunteer for the parade, and those suits can be heavy. The (adorable) result? Falling light bulbs everywhere. It's guaranteed you'll see at least one light bulb crash and burn each night, but with so much potential we eased up on the drinking. Social drinking while kids fall down? That's the Holidazzle way.

Glow necklace vendor drops an F-bomb: Finish your drink.

The street vendors (who we assume live in the sewers like the Foot Clan from Ninja Turtles during the other 11 months of the year) will be out in full force, selling inflatable hammers, glowing princess crowns, and other garbage that you will inevitably "accidentally" throw in the trash by the following weekend. The one thing these dudes do not take into consideration, however, is how f'ing cold it is standing out there selling crap to strangers. Watch for the inappropriately dressed, freezing cold vendors to drop at least one "fuck this cold!" during the parade, and watch the faces of horrified kids from Wayzata light up brighter than the glowing snowman. Oh, speaking of which...

Snowman breaks down in the street: Slam drink for the time it takes volunteers to fix it or drag him off the course.

This is a sucker's bet. That thing breaks down like 19 times a year -- even if there are only eight parades.

Prince shows up as the Grand Marshal: Buy out the bar, take a cab to Paisley Park, wait patiently for further instructions.

The dude has done like 37 shows around town already this year, is it that far-fetched to think we might see him riding the light-up sleigh with Santa? Long shot? Yes. Impossible? Probably. THE GREATEST IDEA EVER, AND THE MOST FITTING END TO HOLIDAZZLE EVER CONCOCTED? Definitely. Your move, Purple Man.

We'll miss you, Holidazzle.

IF YOU GO:

Holidazzle Parade
Friday & Saturday night, Nov. 29 - Dec. 21
Free
More information here

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Nicollet Mall

800 Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, MN 55402

612-455-1600


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