I moved downtown, on the edge of Loring Park, in June. While I happen to love my neighborhood and enjoy many aspects of my locale, the black cloud of the SUPER BOWL is always looming over my head.
Would parking be impossible when the crowds arrived? Would there be people peeing on my doorstep? What would my Saturday routine of wandering around the skyway be like with a bunch of tourists getting lost in Baker Center? Would the neighborhood turkey, who I call Tina, be okay?
Instead of worrying, I decided to have fun with the grand event and document my experience Laura Ingalls-style: with a settler’s log. Below are the contents of my journal, to be passed down through the generations and maybe read to elementary school classes in 2087.
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 1
1/26, 6 p.m.
Parking in the nearby garage, which I pay $100 per month for but have no assigned spot, was surprisingly easy despite the huge flags flying outside. One lane of my street is closed for an “Uber route” that doesn’t ever seem to be utilized, but I can easily walk to Lunds and Target for needed supplies. (Coffee, cream, lemons.) Small buggies ferry people to zip line over the river. Seems dangerous. I will update tomorrow.
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 2
1/27, 4 p.m.
I made a trip into the skyway for cotton candy (from local vendor Spinning Wylde) and a hair appointment at Juut. The streets of Nicollet Mall are actually busy, which is quite strange to see on a weekend. Ghost town, no more. The cotton candy was delicious, by the way. Get the Purple Rain grape flavor.
Am concerned about the whereabouts of the neighborhood turkey, Tina. I haven’t seen her prowling the street in a week.
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 3
1/28, 5 p.m.
I did not leave house. Sorry.
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 4
1/29, 7 p.m.
My journey home was simple, and traffic was as usual. I plan to spend tomorrow evening amongst the crowds in the skyway, mostly because I want new sunglasses from Saks Off Fifth.
Unfortunately, there’s bad news. My dear boyfriend is permanently stranded at Martinpatrick3 until this godforsaken game is over. I will prepare myself toast and tomato soup in his absence, and keep the house warm and clean for his eventual return.
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 5
1/30, 8 p.m.
There’s an enormous and scary Paul Bunyan statue on 11th, and the traffic is backed up because of out-of-town pickups and children scampering around. I will NOT be going near that statue again. My boyfriend has returned, and to celebrate we left the apartment for burgers and beers. While sitting in aforementioned traffic, I noticed the Bunyan and his haunted eyes looked right into mine. This does not bode well for the next few days. Please remember us in these trying times!
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 6
1/31, 6 p.m.
I walked into the skyway to get sunglasses and all I got was sweaty and irritated. And no sunglasses because Off Fifth is closed for a private event. They better not buy my goddamn pink sunglasses!! So far, the Super Bowl has only given me traumatic flashbacks of my retail career in the skyway during the Holidazzle: slow walkers, lots of kids smelling like sweaty wool, lost tourists … and police dogs? Why are there police dogs here?
Super Bowl Settler's Log, Day 7
2/1, 10 p.m.
I spent the evening at an ice bar in an alley between a fancy hotel and my boyfriend's store. I wore tights under my "winter leggings" from Athleta (highly recommend) and was cozy as can be with my crew of friends, who were literally wearing snowpants. We drank free drinks and played with diamonds. Is this what the Super Bowl is? If so, it's awesome.