comScore

Ryan Gosling is the latest celebrity who isn't moving to a Twin Cities suburb

Is Ryan joining the Lakeshore Players Theatre? No. He is not.

Is Ryan joining the Lakeshore Players Theatre? No. He is not.

Word that Justin Bieber was buying a "summer home" on Lake Minnetonka set the Twin Cities on fire a couple weeks ago... for, like, an hour, until everyone figured out the whole thing was a hoax. A stupid, humorless hoax — which are truly the most dangerous ruses, because they are the easiest to fall for. 

Today comes word that Ryan Gosling is super-excited to be getting a vacation palace in White Bear Lake. Gosling explained to the O'Reilly Post that he's seeking "a change of scenery and a change of lifestyle," a phrase that suggests the Oscar-nominated actor is trading in hanging out with Brad Pitt and Russel Crowe — and dating Eva Mendes — for... White Bear Lake, home of the Lakeshore Players Theatre.

“I think that White Bear Lake will be a great place to vacation," Gosling said, "not just because it’s a beautiful lake but also because the people in the St. Paul area have been so friendly to me. It’s a nice little escape!”

This story seems completely unbelievable. That's because it is. On its "About" page, O'Reilly Post paradoxically proclaims itself a "fantasy news site" that traffics in "satire or pure fantasy." We're not sure which category this post falls in: It's not satire, and the idea that the people of St. Paul have been, or would be, kind to Ryan Gosling does not really seem that fantastical. 

We'd like to encourage O'Reilly Post to expand the horizons of their understandings of "satire" — read the Onion, they know how it works — and "pure fantasy." (Try experimenting with drugs.)

Still, this disclaimer about their content doesn't appear alongside the story about Gosling's imminent arrival in White Bear Lake, and some people are taking it seriously. One woman commented that Gosling should actually check out Hugo's private Sunset Lake, saying she'll "give him access to the lake through my own yard." Boy if that doesn't sound like a euphemism.

People: Justin Bieber is a pop icon who lives in a hotel in Beverly Hills, the same city where Ryan Gosling, a big fucking movie star, is co-owner of a restaurant. They're not moving here. Can't we just be thankful Josh Hartnett still spends time here and move on? 

<!———StartFragment———>The internet is full of lies. Believe nothing.