Rich, Spoiled Minnesota gonna Rich, Spoiled Minnesota

Shauna Raisch captioned this Instagram post "Happy 4th! God Bless America [heart emoji]," but we're confident you can come up with something better in the comments section.

Shauna Raisch captioned this Instagram post "Happy 4th! God Bless America [heart emoji]," but we're confident you can come up with something better in the comments section. Instagram/@shaunaraisch

Imagine leading such a charmed life that among the hardest things you've faced is a battle over who gets to put a dock of what size (and where) on the lake where you own some big dumb house.

Then imagine having so little self-awareness you think it's appropriate to complain to the newspaper of record in your state about this.

"I've never been bullied in my life before," Wayzata salon owner Shauna Raich told the Star Tribune, and if you didn't just groan on behalf of all the kids and adults who've experienced actual bullying, let's face it you're done with this blog post and should go back to making weekend plans that involve your or someone else's expensive new boat.

Raich's claim of "bullying" stems from her dispute with Eric Netter (and his wife Connie), her neighbors in the "unincorporated township and census-designated place" (note: we don't know what that means either) on Leech Lake.

There are only around 100 people in Whipholt, and they're all probably pretty rich, so you'd think they'd be happy. Well, we have good news: Some rich people are just as miserable as you'd hope them to be.

From the Star Tribune's story:

The Netters, owners of a St. Cloud electric business, allege in a suit filed in Cass County District Court that she installed her dock in a way that functions as a "barricade" and a "spite fence," preventing other residents from getting their docks and boat lifts in the lake. "It has never been a friendly situation," Connie Netter said this week. "We're trying to make it work so that everyone who has a right to be on the lake can get on the lake and enjoy it."

Raich says the Netters' plan for a dock that'd be accessible to all area property owners "would encroach on 28 of her 38 feet of shoreline and push her own dock onto another neighbor's property."

When you, reader, are taking the bus back to the apartment or duplex you rent, or the home whose mortgage you're scrimping to get paid, just remember that there is someone out there whose greatest life hardship is a dock potentially encroaching on the shoreline of her home in a municipality that honestly sounds more like some sort of boat-owners' club.

In truth, we probably could've seen something along these lines coming from Shauna (if we'd known who she was), a Minnesota-based salon- and celebrity TV persona bullshit artist who is described by an official IMDB description as a "snobby Minnesota stylist."

That's from a 2008 episode of a show called Split Ends, during which Raich apparently unleashed an "'anti-fat people' rant" that was offensive enough to get her voted as the "villain" of a show you probably haven't even heard of. Here's how Raich characterized her appearance before the show aired.

Remember this is TV and good TV is all about drama! The editing room does wonders for creating drama! While I will be seeing the complete version of the show for the first time when it airs on Saturday, I would expect to be portrayed as the diva who gets mad when she doesn’t get what she wants. And this isn’t exactly true. Well, maybe a little! I imagine that my staff will be portrayed as strict, training monsters. Also expect to see Krisanna, the stylist who I swapped with, acting like a spoiled brat who has only worked for her mom.

Translation: My reputation after this comes out is literally anyone else's fault but mine, I'm not as bad as I was caught on tape being,  um "fake news," I'm just being myself, I was just playing it up for the camera, please support me despite what I've said and done on national television... plus wasn't that other salon chick, like, totally awful?

Later, Raich appeared on an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, though if you're still reading by now you probably assumed as much.

"I am a person who likes to make things work and figure things out," she told the Star Tribune. "When it's your Minnesota lake space, your recreational space, it's really hard."

(Emphasis ours, entitlement hers.)

Know what, Shauna? It's really not hard. What's hard is taking your side in literally any of the things you're publicly known for. We're honestly having some difficulty caring. Maybe we'll swim around in Leech Lake and look for a single drop of empathy for your ongoing dock tragedy.

Maybe you'd hit us with one of your Jet Skis. Sounds like you're rich and would be fun to sue.