You already know the Minnesota State Fair is the best state fair in America.
You knew it without even bothering to check out most -- hell, any -- of the other 49 state fairs. Who needs to spend a weekend in Wyoming just to confirm that no one in America walks slowly in the sun trying to bite at something on a stick without spilling a beer better than Minnesotans?
Well, now you really can save yourself the trips to other state fairs, because science of the utmost rigor has verified that the Minnesota State Fair really is the greatest.
A new ... study published by the crack researchers at thisisinsider.com -- the world's leading website for people who are wondering, "is this insider?" -- ranks the "top 22 state fairs in the US," though that title is a misnomer: The insiders actually ranked a bunch of non-state fairs in their list, including the "Durham Fair" in Virginia (ranked No. 21), the "Volusia County Fair" in Florida (No. 11), and Indiana's "Elhart County 4-H Fair" (No. 7), among others.
In fact, the second-ranked "state fair" here is the San Diego County Fair, which welcomes 1.6 million people each year to a "scenic seaside location" for attractions like a "wine festival" and "beef sundaes." Sure.
By finishing second, San Diego County beats out real state fairs like the ones in Iowa (No. 3), North Carolina (No 5.), Illinois (No. 8), Delaware (No. 12), Washington (No. 14), Maryland (No. 16), and Alaska (No. 18).
But do you know which state San Diego County did not beat? Did not, because it could not? Because nothing could?
Of course you know. You have always known.
The Minnesota State Fair is the second-largest state fair in the US, with 1,997,320 attendees in the last year alone. The fair is famous for its bizarre foods, like bacon fluffernutters, deep-fried avocado, nacho-encrusted corn on the cob, and more.
Hey, we ate some of that stuff! It was -- well, anyway, we ate it!
We wish the fine people of San Diego, Iowa, and the Elkhart County 4-H Club the very best of luck next year.
We know we in Minnesota will be back on our game, and bragging... if for no other reason than to alleviate the guilt that follows watching a goat give birth while you eat cookies from a bucket.