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New Year's Eve parties, a LOTR marathon, Beyonce dance night: A-List 12.25-12.31

Bed, Bath, and Beyonce

Bed, Bath, and Beyonce Darin Kamnetz

Here's some fun things to do between the holidays.

THURSDAY 12.26

Bed, Bath, and Beyoncé: Dance Party
honey mpls

The day after Christmas, some will be ready to escape the family for a night of fun. For others, this is just like any other week, and they’re ready to start the weekend a little early. No matter what your vibe is this Thursday, Flip Phone is throwing a party that is all about Beyoncé. For nearly five hours, DJ Ariesfirebomb will take you on a journey through the Beyhive’s favorite anthems. Expect deep cuts from Destiny’s Child, plus megahits from B’s solo albums, from Dangerously in Love all the way to Lemonade. Pop-up drag performances throughout the night will keep the glamour in full-effect. 21+. 9:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. $10. 205 E. Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis; 612-746-0304. —Jessica Armbruster

'Peter Pan and Wendy'

'Peter Pan and Wendy' The Boys of the Year

FRIDAY 12.27

Peter Pan and Wendy
Mixed Blood Theatre Company

 The story of Peter Pan gets transformed in this new two-person re-telling of the classic tale. The production features a cast and design team made up of trans artists, giving audiences a chance to see Neverland like they’ve never imagined it before. In this version, Peter and Wendy are young adults. Together, they explore new worlds, awkwardness, secrets, and wonder. Starring C. Michael Menge (they/them) as Peter and Henry Ellen Sansone (he/him) as Wendy, the cast hopes to make this your new, queered-up holiday tradition. The two actors, along with Andi Mickle (he/him or they/them) make up the Boys of the Year, a performance group that uses theater to explore joy, imagination, and trans experiences. Find tickets at brownpapertickets.com. 7:30 p.m. Friday, Sunday, and Monday. $5-$50 sliding scale (no one turned away for lack of funds). 1501 S. Fourth St., Minneapolis; 612-338-6131. Through Monday —Sheila Regan

F**k 2019

Bryant-Lake Bowl Theater

In a few days, 2019 will be dead as fuck. To celebrate, Vilification Tennis will be revisiting the biggest shitshows, flipping the bird at this year’s natural disasters, terror attacks, and Donald Trump still being… Donald Trump. Is it a coincidence that 2019 brought us the first-ever picture of a black hole? At this eulogy/roast of 2019, insult comedians will vent, reflect, and take us through the stupidest things that happened. There’s no guarantee that 2020 will be any better, but acknowledging our problems could be the first step to sucking less. 10 p.m. $12. 810 W. Lake St., Minneapolis; 612- 825-3737. --Jessica Armbruster

End of the Decade Comedy Weekend
New Hope Cinema Grill

It’s the end of the decade, and New Hope Cinema Grill is having a three-night comedy blowout that is worthy of a countdown. Tiffany Norton, who has been the queen of New Year’s Eve in New Hope for years, will play the role of feature act on Friday and Saturday, before taking the headliner slot for the big year-end show. Norton has been one of the most impressive comedy stories of the past decade, transforming from part-time performer to must-see headliner at night, all while waking up early as part of KS95’s morning show. The dark-but-hilarious Gabe Noah will join her as headliner on Friday. He’s been performing in clubs around town for years, but has more recently become known for his fascinating and funny Profession Confession podcast, where he gets the lowdown on some of the most salacious jobs in town. On Saturday, Miss Shannan Paul will take the headlining slot. Miss Shannan is a bright spot on the Twin Cities scene, whether she’s cracking jokes on MyTalk 107 FM or geeking out on The Jason Show. 8:30 p.m. Friday, Saturday, and New Year’s Eve. $19. 2749 Winnetka Ave. N., New Hope; 763-417-0017.Through New Year’s Eve —Patrick Strait

Geoffrey Asmus
Sisyphus Brewing

Geoffrey Asmus is going to read the Bible onstage this weekend. But he’ll probably cuss a bunch, too. The Woodbury native, now residing in New York, is back in town for the holidays,and will be recording his debut album this Friday and Saturday at Sisyphus. Religion is a topic that plays a pretty heavy role in Asmus’ comedy, as he got into performing standup at the same time he was studying it in college. “Religion is something that really shapes the world in incredible ways, and people don’t really know enough about it,” Asmus says. “I wanted to learn about all of the religions, and then I realized they’re all really the same fucking thing.” But Asmus still finds himself fascinated by it. “A lot of people come at it from an angle like, ‘Oh, religion is stupid.’ But I try not to do that, because I think it’s been done. I try to poke fun, but I still believe in it. Once people in conservative places realize that I’m one of them, they usually loosen up and laugh.” If you feel like you’ve had enough religion over the holidays, Asmus says that his shows won’t be a sermon. “I get really interested in religion and write jokes about it for a while, then I completely lose interest and write jokes about sex or weed for a month.” Joining Asmus both nights will be local favs Ellie Hino and Ryan Kahl, who will likely just do comedy and not proselytize. But who knows for sure? 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday. $10. 712 Ontario Ave. W., Minneapolis. 612-444-8674. Through Saturday —Patrick Strait

Hipshaker
Kitty Cat Klub

This week, beloved dance night Hipshaker is pulling a doubleheader, hosting its regular dance night on Friday, and then teaming up with Hotpants for a big ol’ New Year’s Eve party. Since 2002, Hipshaker has spun funk and rare soul on vinyl. Its hosting crew includes DJs Brian Engel, Greg Waletski, and George Rodriguez. On Tuesday, the trio will collab with Hotpants, sharing their records and tunes at top volume until 2019 is no more. Expect a healthy dose of that funk and soul both are known for, as well as blues, Latin, and modern soul (think Sharon Jones, Marvin Gaye, and Amy Winehouse). 21+. 9 p.m. $5 Friday; $20 New Year’s Eve. 315 14th Ave. SE, Minneapolis; 612-331-9800. Also New Year’s Eve —Jessica Armbruster

Lizz Winstead reflects on the decade.

Lizz Winstead reflects on the decade. Image courtesy the standup

SATURDAY 12.28

Lizz Winstead: Sharknado X
The Cedar Cultural Center

When recounting the entire history of civilization, the past 10 years is just a blip. But when you’re living through a decade of political malaise, cultural anxiety, economic uncertainty, and environmental deterioration, things can feel like a series of escalating catastrophes. Thankfully, Lizz Winstead, the socially astute comic who co-created satirical news staple The Daily Show, has been here all the while to provide cathartic laughter at her popular New Year’s Eve retrospectives. In recapping 365 days’ worth of absurdities, Winstead brings an insightful perspective, infusing the most exasperating events with much needed levity. Winstead, accompanied by guitarist Sam Breckenridge, will evoke laughter from this period of prolonged tension, hopefully imbuing a bit of hope as we enter a new decade. 2 and 7:30 p.m. Saturday; 7:30 p.m. New Year’s Eve. $50/$60; $70 VIP. 416 Cedar Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-338-2674. Also New Year’s Eve —Brad Richason

SUNDAY 12.29

The Lord of the Rings Marathon
Riverview Theater

In the history of moviemaking, few projects have been as ambitious as The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Directed by Peter Jackson, the three films were shot concurrently over several years, resulting in a richly conceptualized vision of Tolkien’s revered fantasy adventure. The Riverview Theater will be hosting an epic daylong viewing, beginning with The Fellowship of the Ring at 10:45 a.m., followed by The Two Towers at 2:45 p.m., and concluding with The Return of the King at 7 p.m. These screenings will all consist of the authoritative director’s cut, taking viewers on a 730-minute odyssey with hobbits Frodo and Sam as they venture forth from their idyllic Shire, braving peril and demonic adversaries in order to reach the hellish land of Mordor, where they’ll cast the soul corrupting One Ring into the volcanic fires of Mount Doom. While watching the three films back-to-back is certain to make for an immersive cinematic experience, the reality of staring at a screen for such a prolonged period is equally sure to invite a lethargic mind. Thankfully, the Riverview will fill the time between screenings with diversions, including door prizes and costume contests, and pizza will be available. 10:45 a.m.; 2:45 p.m.; 7 p.m. $12/$15; includes all three screenings. 3800 42nd Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-729-7369. —Brad Richason

MONDAY 12.30

F*ck 2019: A Year End Roast
Turf Club

Weird year, huh? With all this impeachment stuff, Kanye making a gospel album, and that Drake speech after the Raptors won the NBA title, there’s plenty of things that have happened to make us say, “Come the fuck on??!!” For one night, comedians Rana May, Shelly Paul, Comrade Tripp, Geoff Asmus, Grant Winkels, and Joey Hamburger will come together for a merciless roast of everything that has gone horribly wrong these past 365 days. If you’ve never been to one of these year-end roasts, know that it’s a combo of standup, old-school trash-talk roasting, skits, songs, and general insanity that has to be seen. Most importantly, it gives you the chance to laugh and feel less alone about some of the horrible things we’ve had to deal with this year. Otherwise, you can always skip the show and go see that Cats movie with Jason Derulo, which is even more proof that 2019 has been completely fucked up. 7:30 p.m. $15. 1601 University Ave. W., St. Paul; 651-647-0486. —Patrick Strait

Flip Phone celebrates the end of 2019.

Flip Phone celebrates the end of 2019. Darin Kamnetz

TUESDAY 12.31

90’s New Year’s Eve Party
Amsterdam Bar and Hall

Around town this year, you can find a New Year’s Eve party celebrating the decade of your choice. At Amsterdam in downtown St. Paul, the Flip Phone crew are all about the 1990s. DJs izzie p and Sasha R. Cassadine will be playing the hits of the decade, which brought us iconic rap anthems, delightfully cringey hip-hop, bubblegum pop, heavy metal, alternative, and more. There will be prizes for those who rock the best ’90s looks, so consider checking out an old Delia’s catalog or watching a Yo! MTV Raps episode on YouTube for inspiration. Pop-up drag performances will entertain crowds throughout the night as revelers count down the seconds until 2020. 18+. 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. $20. 6 W. Sixth St., St. Paul; 612-285-3112. —Jessica Armbruster

Roaring ’20s New Years Eve
Minneapolis Cider Company

For this sweet New Year’s Eve party, Minneapolis Cider Company is going back 100 years to the Roaring ’20s. Taking inspiration from Minnesota’s own F. Scott Fitzgerald, this Gatsby-themed shindig will have a healthy dose of glam seediness. Think speakeasy vibes, plenty of bottles popping, and sparkly flapper dresses and shiny spats (the encouraged attire for the evening). A special cocktail menu will be available, and the midnight toast will feature a free round of the pub’s unique offering of the night, Resolution #1. Tunes will be provided by the Gatsby Gang Jazz Band. Find tickets at eventbrite.com. 21+. 7 p.m. to 1 a.m. $25. 701 SE Ninth St., Minneapolis; 612-886-1357. —Jessica Armbruster

New Year’s Eve Comedy and Dance Party
Dance Love Studio

Why choose between comedy, dancing, and partying into the New Year? Dance Love Studio will have the best of all three on New Year’s Eve, with comedians Ali Sultan, Greg Coleman, Shawn Nasfstad, and Abenezer Merdassa providing the jokes. Sultan and Coleman are two of the most seasoned headliners in town, and both are worth the price of admission on their own. Meanwhile, Nafstad and Merdassa are two of the fastest-rising up-and-coming voices in comedy. Get there early, as the comedy will get the party started for the evening at 9 p.m. From there, you can get up and move with a mini dance lesson from Hanna Esparza, then hit the open floor starting at 10:45 p.m. with DJ Salman and DJ Luv. You’ll be able to count down to the New Year at midnight, celebrate with a toast, sloppily hug and high-five everyone, and then keep the party going until 2 a.m. 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. $20/$30 at the door. 2601 Second Ave. S., Minneapolis. —Patrick Strait

New Years Eve Bash
Brit’s Pub

As far as New Year’s Eve celebrations go, Brit’s has a few things going for it. First, there’s no cover charge, which is a rarity on this night. Two, they actually will have happy hour specials from 4:30 to 6 p.m., which entails a selection of $5 pints. For those who prefer to be in bed before the ball drop, you can celebrate on British time instead, as the bar will usher in the U.K. New Year with bagpipes and bubbly at 6 p.m. For those who prefer to stay up late, the party will continue upstairs until the wee hours, with Beatles tribute band A Hard Day’s Night playing tunes starting at 8:30 p.m., and there will be another champagne toast at midnight, central time. 6 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. Free. 1110 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis; 612-332-3908. —Jessica Armbruster

DJ Shannon Blowtorch and crew celebrate New Year's Eve at the VFW.

DJ Shannon Blowtorch and crew celebrate New Year's Eve at the VFW. Monica Hemdom

2020 NYE BASH
James Ballentine “Uptown” VFW - Post 246

This New Year’s Eve, your friendly Uptown VFW is keeping things chill with a night of music and DJ sets in the main entertainment room. The event, curated by DJs Shannon Blowtorch and Fundo McGee, will feature tunes, performances, and spectacle from the likes of DJs Just Nine and YSHEYELLIN, delightful geek rapper NUR-D, drag king extraordinaire MPLS Adonia, and visual installation artist FNK. There’s no pre-sale for this party; simply show up early with $20. 21+. 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. $20. 2916 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis; 612-823-6233. —Jessica Armbruster

East Coast-Style New Year’s Eve
Sisyphus Brewing

For anyone who loves to celebrate but also likes going to bed a reasonable time, Maggie Faris has your back. Faris is once again presenting her East Coast-Style New Year’s Eve event, with a stacked lineup of comedians and plenty of surprises. The best part? Each show ends with a full-blown New Year’s countdown (the late show ends at 11 p.m., or midnight on the East Coast—get it?), with champagne and confetti and all the pomp and circumstance you could ask for for $25 bucks. This year’s shows will feature Faris, alongside Amber Preston, who made her mark as an Acme regular before taking over Los Angeles the past several years, and headliner David Dyer, who is best known as part of the Bob and Tom radio show. One of the staples of Faris’ events has become her affinity for booby prizes, and this year’s East Coast blowout will be no exception. Trust us, they will be ridiculous. There are two sets, giving you plenty of time to get home and relieve the babysitter before the “real” parties start, or sneak off to another bar to watch the ball drop and countdown to midnight for real. 7 and 9 p.m. $25. 712 Ontario Ave. W., Minneapolis; 612-444-8674. —Patrick Strait