This year is the most important year in the history of cinema: The Karate Kid is turning 30.
Back in 1984, Daniel LaRusso and his mom packed their shitty station wagon and hit the road in search of palm trees, swimming pools, and the greatest karate montage in movie history. While Ralph Macchio, Pat Morita, William Zabka, and this big-boned bro (1:30) may not have realized it at the time, they were creating one of the greatest teenage coming-of-age karate movies ever, all while helping Joe Esposito make mad cash in the process.
The stars are seemingly aligned for this important anniversary, as Minneapolis will be celebrating Karate Kid Week with Macchio himself visiting the Twin Cities for Wizard World Minneapolis Comic Con, and the Uptown Theater showing the iconic film both Friday and Saturday at midnight in celebration of The Karate Kid's "dirty 30." The movie is heartwarming and inspirational, and there are also several lessons to be learned in the process. That's why this week, we're picking our three favorite life lessons that every youngster should take away from the legend of Miyagi-Do Karate.
1) Never mess with a crew in skeleton costumes
One of the pivotal scenes in the film is when Daniel decides to hose down his arch-nemesis Johnny while he's "rolling a number" during the Halloween dance (Note: How many kids had no clue what that meant until much later in life? Remember kids: Only bad guys do drugs). As a result, he gets massacred by seven dudes in scary skeleton body suits, before being saved by Mr. Miyagi. While the lesson here could be that it's never cool to beat on a kid when you have 7-to-1 odds in your favor, the real takeaway is that teenage bros who are willing to wear skintight bodysuits to a dance probably have body issues, and will kick the shit out of you if you push them. For all you wannabe heroes out there: Stay away from skeletons. And for you dudes dressed as skeletons laying down gang beatings on kids with great hair: It gets better.
2) A strong male role model is important
No matter who you were rooting for throughout the movie, there is one theme that remains consistent: baby daddy drama. Where's Daniel's father? NOWHERE. What about Johnny? Is his dad teaching him the difference between right and wrong? NOPE. In fact, the only person in the entire film who seems to have a father figure is Elisabeth Shue, and her dad basically arranges her marriage before she's even out of high school. Long story short, if you don't have a strong male role model in your life, you're going to attract the attention of emotionally challenged older men who will make you fight other kids for to feed their own egos. Call your dad. NOW.
3) Riding your bike is an easy way to get your ass whooped
It's really your own fault. Rad motorbikes > lame BMX bikes all day. COME AT ME, CYCLISTS.
No matter what you learned from The Karate Kid, the reality is that everyone's life has been shaped in some way by Daniel, Miyagi, and the All Valley Under 18 Karate Tournament. This weekend is your chance to relive those memories all over again. Happy Karate Kid Week!
IF YOU GO:
The Karate Kid
Midnight, Friday and Saturday