It’s Easter weekend, but everything is canceled and the malls are closed. That means that parents are missing out on spending $50 on a picture of their terrified kids sitting on the lap of the Easter Bunny.
As an exhausted dad of a four-year-old son, I’ve been doing my best to figure out how to answer some very uncomfortable questions about the Big B during quarantine. Can the Easter Bunny get “the cough” (the code we’ve been using in our house to discuss coronavirus)? Is he considered an “essential” employee? Will he be forced to stay inside this weekend and put on some terrible virtual egg hunt over Zoom?
Fortunately, I’ve been able to explain to him that the Easter Bunny is immune to all illnesses, and will be making the rounds as planned. Which means, I need to produce an Easter Bunny.
So, $69.99 later, I managed to procure a full Easter Bunny costume -- and it rips. But after making the investment, I decided that I could spread even MORE Easter cheer around town. So I strapped on my germ-blocking bunny head and hit the streets to try to remind people that not everything is bad.
The Easter Bunny’s first stop was the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, where Mr. Bunny was very impressed with the Spoonbridge and Cherry. While he was unsuccessful in painting the cherry like an Easter egg, we understand that he had a nice conversation with the big blue rooster, who is apparently from the same hometown as the Bunny.
Later in the day, word got out that the Easter Bunny stopped by First Avenue to wish the club a happy 50th birthday. He (understandably) inquired about how he can get his own star on the building and has gone so far as to promise to stage dive at the first concert back at the club following quarantine (even if it’s GWAR, unlike some cowards).
While the number of people on Nicollet Mall has dwindled, those who were out and about this week were surprised to find the Easter Bunny paying homage to his all-time favorite television show. Despite forgetting to bring a hat to toss, he was very excited to inform everyone sitting at home that we are, in fact, going to make it after all.
Next, we caught the Easter Bunny leading a SKOL-clap at the helm of the Viking ship in front of U.S. Bank Stadium. He assured us that this whole coronavirus mess will be worked out in time for the start of football season, before asking if the Viking ship was THAT Viking party boat. Not sure what the Easter Bunny was implying, but he apparently knows how to rage.
Finally, walkers, runners, and bicyclists were surprised to find the Easter Bunny enjoying a social distancing-friendly walk on the Stone Arch Bridge. Unfortunately, several confused dogs took issue with the Easter Bunny’s presence, but cooler heads prevailed.
While I’m not sure about my future as the Easter Bunny, this will hopefully allow parents in Minneapolis and surrounding areas to explain to their kiddos that Easter is NOT canceled (except for Peeps. Those are canceled forever).
Oh, except for St. Paul. The Easter Bunny is definitely not going to St. Paul.