Gentleman, we need to chat.
The holiday party season is in full-swing, and almost everyone will be heading out to an office gathering, friendly get-together, or a family celebration that will inevitably end in tears. Regardless of your seasonal party plans, the one thing we can all agree on is that it's important to step your fashion game up and show some non-denominational holiday/winter season spirit.
What I'm trying to say is, kill the ironic ugly Christmas sweater.
The giant Santa Claus, the beaded Christmas tree -- it's all played out. Instead, we've got some way more creative holiday fashion ideas for fancy gents to help you be the hit of your next shindig.
Fabulous Hanukkah sweater
Yes, we know we just got done trashing ugly holiday sweaters, but this is different. Everybody knows that Hanukkah gets the shaft every December, especially when it comes to parties. You've got "Secret Santa" parties, but how come you've never heard of a "Secret Hanukkah Santa" party? And when was the last time TNT showed a 24-hour marathon of A Hanukkah Story? Never.
That's why this season you should take back the ugly holiday sweater fad from your insensitive Santa-loving homies and show up rocking a bright blue sweater with a siiiiiiiiick light-up menorah. Your Jewish friends will dig it, and it will divert attention away from the fact that you keep referencing "Hanukkah Santa" which is apparently not a real thing (according to Wikipedia, that is).
DIY holiday swimwear
Did you know that while we're shivering up in here like a bunch of a-holes, Paul Hogan and the rest of his Aussie brethren are celebrating the holidays on the beach? Totally not fair, right?
Fortunately, you can show off just how internationally-savvy you really are by rolling up to your next holiday outing in a hot pair of yuletide swim-shorts. Best of all, a swimsuit will help you show off your Minnesota wintertime complexion, which the ladies will find both sexy and hilarious. What's that? You don't know where to buy holiday swimwear? No thang. Just get some puffy paint, mini-bells, and hot glue and you're ready to go. Bonus points if you put a Santa beard somewhere OTHER than over your crotch.
This is a real thing. According the legend (and terrible parents who like terrorizing their kids), Krampus accompanies St. Nicholas during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children. When Krampus finds a particularly terrible kid, it stuffs the child in its sack and carries the frightened thing away to its lair, presumably to devour for its Christmas dinner.
So, think of how awesome it would be if this December 25 when your uncle dresses up as the big jolly red guy, you roll up as his Gwar-ish compadre, giving the kids in your family a fun, unique, and definitely NOT terrifying holiday experience they'll remember forever!
Whatever you decide to throw on for your next holiday blowout, just remember that memories are never made by dudes dressed in anything from Express.