Drag Target's ass, Edina Boomer queen!

Jean's coming with the fire.

Jean's coming with the fire. Jay Boller

As the internet has mutated into millions of screeching de facto letters to the editor, it's easy to lose sight of the city newpaper's humble salon for hyper-local griping. In this past Sunday's Star Tribune, however, Edina resident Jean Mitchell provided a master class in pissed-off civic discourse. 

Mitchell's grievances with her recently remodeled Edina Target store are numerous and specific, as 375,000 Strib readers learned this weekend. 

"Target, oh, Target, where have you gone?" she begins. "Sigh. It is no longer a place I like to visit."

You ready? Drag its ass, Boomer queen! 

From there, Mitchell tees off on the location's failed attempt at replacing hot dogs and popcorn with bougie cuisine ("A $10 pasta meal? Nope.").

She flames the blaring acoustics ("Hearing Aretha Franklin's 'Respect' and disco stompers while in the restroom? Just what I don't want.").

And she destroys the misguided selection of items, where kale juices and "adult-sized tiger PJs with feet" (emphasis hers) take precedence over dehumidifiers and white ankle socks.

Go. 👏🏻 Off. 👏🏻 Jean! 👏🏻

It didn't used to be like this, Mitchell laments. Shopping used to make sense. At the original Roseville Target in the '60s, she explains, you could get "a variety of useful stuff, without the music." Plus, it sold groceries.

Summoning the ethos of the hip-hop's greatest diss tracks, Mitchell concludes with the sassiest of kiss-offs to the anti-union, CEO-enriching, vendor-squeezing retail giant based in Minneapolis. 

"Goodbye, Tar-jay!" 

We stan.