For starters: That comma. What the hell?
But really, nothing about the listing for a "new private SEXY lounge" in St. Louis Park feels quite right. Another example: The Boom, Boom Room is located at the Minneapolis suburb's intersection of Texas Avenue and Minnetonka Boulevard... although, when you try looking for it on Google Maps, there's no sign of a Boom, Boom Room. Huh.
The Craigslist ad is loaded with innuendo, each successive line oozing a little bit more of something you'll want to get checked by a certified medical professional.
"The Boom,Boom Room is a newly opened SEXY lounge for mature intellectual adults that want to relax, and drift into ECSTASY!"
Does one "drift into ECSTASY!" by... say, taking a certain illicit substance popular in clubs which goes by a three-syllable word, and makes people want to dance furiously while biting a stranger's tank top? We can't say for sure. But be careful about asking anyone at this place for a Tic-Tac.
"When you step into this lounge," the ad continues, "the vibe in the air [is] so exciting, alluring, that you'll immediately want to STAY."
A strong selling point, because clubs that make people immediately want to LEAVE have fallen on hard times.
Here comes the part where we cut the shit:
"420 is accepted in this lounge, exoctic [sic] dancers that will actually put on a good show, and more interesting experiences for you to enjoy."
Well then. What "more interesting experiences" could there be? A poetry slam? Maybe they have XBOX One? A petting zoo? (Actually, that one might not be too far off.)
The ad's next line reads: "A Mastermind group is available in the 420/Hookah room for EXTRA fun $$!!"
What's a "mastermind group," you ask? We don't know, either, but here's one possible definition from a website called the Success Alliance.
"Mastermind groups offer a combination of brainstorming, education, peer accountability and support in a group setting to sharpen your business and personal skills. A mastermind group helps you and your mastermind group members achieve success. Participants challenge each other to set powerful goals, and more importantly, to accomplish them."
Hmmm. We have the weirdest feeling this is not what's going on at the Boom, Boom Room. Feel free to find out for yourself, though. The ad closes with a description of its "discreet private entrance," convenient parking, and "FREE shots before 11:00." There's a $40 entry fee at the door, and you must make a reservation by calling "87 Phantom" at the listed number.
The "private lounge" is open 10:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m., every Wednesday through Saturday, until the precise moment local authorities discover this ad. "If you come to this new lounge you'll leave feeling better! :)" the ad promises. We assume this is because you'll likely be forced to flee on foot -- and feels better than the runner's high after an unplanned sprint away from the cops.
Whoever listed this ad has not responded to City Pages' request for more information. We'll keep you posted if we learn anything about the club, or that comma.
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