No matter what age you are, the one thing we can all agree on when it comes to New Year's Eve is that it's pretty much bullshit.
Whether it's dropping $100 on an overcrowded "all you can drink" bar night, hitting up some brutally awkward house party (Cards Against Humanity for everyone!), or sitting on your couch watching Pitbull dry-hump everything in his path, December 31 typically ends up ushering out the year in unceremonious fashion.
This year, you can break that cycle by hitting up one of the numerous comedy shows taking place all over town, featuring stacked lineups of some of the very best talent our scene has to offer. Here are five of the best bets to help you drunkenly laugh your way out of 2014.
Tim Harmston with Pat Susmilch and Brandi Brown
While it's hard to call any one lineup at Acme better than any other, the club is closing out the year with a super-stacked trio of talent. Tim Harmston is one of the few performers you can count on to never have a bad show, and anyone who has caught the Acme favorite in the past can attest that he alone is worth the price of admission. Pat Susmilch, who appeared alongside Harmston on this past season of Last Comic Standing, was spotlighted as one of our featured artists of 2014 last week, and recently made the leap to headliner status. Finally, Brandi Brown is someone whose comedy is constantly growing, and her appearance in the finals of House of Comedy's Funniest Person with a Day Job contest this past summer is proof that she's come into her own this past year.
Acme Comedy Co.
8 & 10:30 p.m.
Steve White with John Conroy and Mike Lester
Speaking of House of Comedy, the club will close out its year with national headliner Steve White (he played "Subway Guy" in Coming to America!), along with local favorites John Conroy (not featured in Coming to America), and Mike Lester (not alive when Coming to America was released). In addition to a night of excellent comedy, the club will offer three separate New Year's Eve packages with champagne, buffet, and party favors, giving you that Times Square flavor with fewer gross dudes in costumes.
House of Comedy
7 & 10 p.m.
East Coast Style New Year's Eve with Rana May, Maggie Faris, Jakey Emmert, and Kristin Andersen-Anderson
With all due respect to the rest of this list, this show is the dark horse favorite to be the best of the bunch. The four comics will come together at the Fox Egg Gallery for an East Coast Style New Year's Eve show. The thing that sets this one apart from the rest is the fact that the show will end at 11 p.m. with a New Year's countdown, since it will technically be midnight over on the East Coast. This gives you the chance to get to other parties or be in bed before midnight, saving yourself from starting 2015 with a gross makeout sesh with some rando at the VFW. Or you can stick around for social hour from 11 until midnight, when they will host a 2014B countdown, giving you the chance to do better on the second try. Comedy, popcorn, champagne, prizes, and do-overs? There isn't any reason NOT to hit this show.
Fox Egg Gallery
Tiffany Norton with Shannan Paul and Dan Mogol
For those looking to stick to the suburbs, New Hope Cinema Grill will be hosting a show featuring three comics who are all strong bets to have breakout years in 2015. Tiffany Norton has been on a steady rise for the past several months, frequently appearing at Joke Joint, House of Comedy, and others, and has nicely settled into her newfound role of headliner. She also has one of the most fascinating stories in terms of her comedy journey, making it even more gratifying to see her getting her due. In the meantime, Shannan Paul has been a regular headliner around town, and absolutely crushed at Acme Comedy Co.'s Last Comic Standing showcase earlier this year, while Dan Mogol is fresh off performing at First Avenue's Jewbilee last week, proving that he can kill in comedy or rock clubs, along with the occasional movie theater.
New Hope Cinema Grill
New Year's Eve Spooktacular with Collin Klug, Justin Colucci, Patrick Bauer, and David Sitrick
The weirdest comedy show this Wednesday night will be going down at Comedy Corner Underground, when they ring in the BOO year (their words, not ours) with a Halloween-themed show inspired by the late Bill Young. Instead of your usual champagne and noisemakers, the New Year's Eve Spooktacular is going to feature all of the same cobwebs and creepiness of your favorite haunted house, and costumes are highly encouraged. In addition to having a KILLER lineup (Halloween puns in December! Thanks, Bill Young!), the show will be all wrapped up by around 9:30, giving you time to hit up one of the other shows on our list, or to go wander the streets dressed like sexy zombie Santa Claus or some equally confusing holiday costume mash-up.
Comedy Corner Underground