The stars will align this weekend in St. Paul, Minnesota.
It depends what you're interested in. Feline rock band frontmen and inoffensive kid-friendly comics who peaked in the pre-internet and mid-Newt Gingrich era? Star athletes who already live here? Reality TV trailblazers who squandered most good will by saying stupidly generous things about Donald Trump?
Then have we got a lineup for you! And probably only you!
The Starkey Hearing Foundation is holding its annual "red carpet" and awards ceremony at the Saint Paul RiverCentre on Sunday, and the invitees are truly a who's who of a who's that. The biggest name at this year's party is Oscar-winning actor/writer/director Ben Affleck, whose charitable work in the Eastern Congo ranks him among this year's "honorees."
Interestingly, last year's Starkee honorees included Jennifer Garner, Affleck's then-estranged, now-ex-wife.
As of this past week, Affleck has apparently moved on with a new woman, Lindsay Shookus, a producer on Saturday Night Live. Speculation on whether Shookus will accompany Affleck to the Starkey gala is so boring it did not even make it into this blog post.
The night's emcee will be Sinbad, the stand-up comedian whose career was recently revived by an online debate about a movie that did not exist, and the lead music act is Steven Tyler, lead singer of Aerosmith, who will instead be playing with The Loving Mary Band.
Other musical acts include Hootie-to-county crossover star Darius Rocker and John Fogerty, once (long, long ago) of Credence Clearwater Revival.
Also "expected to attend," according to a press release, are former athlete/current confused semi-activist Caitlyn Jenner, actors Forest Whitaker, Verne Troyer ("Mini-Me" from Austin Powers), Kevin Sorbo (Hercules, from the TV show "Hercules"), and Daymond John, who plays himself on a disappointingly shark-free show called "Shark Tank."
As usual, it's Starkey's list of athlete "gets" that impresses most: Former heavyweight champ boxer Evander Holyfield will be there, as will Timberwolves wunderkind Karl Anthony Towns and basketball hall-of-famer Dikembe Mutombo; NFL guys Sam Bradford, Larry Fitzgerald, Adrian Peterson, Harrison Smith, Kyle Rudolph, and Michael Floyd; baseball pitcher Barry Zito and paralympain Mallory Weggeman, among others.
Click here for more information on the fundraiser; individual tickets range from $1,500 to $5,000.