In the news game, nothing captivates readers like teeny-tiny widdle animals. "The fluffier the better!" H. L. Mencken once proclaimed, as far as I know.
And that's what made today's editorial meeting so torturous. A brand-new baby animal hatched last week at the Minnesota Zoo, you see, which is typically A1 material.
Then we got a load of the animal.
It's a perfectly fine lil penguin, with cuteness levels ranging in the C+ to B- territory.
You could argue that it's pint-sized, a go-to cuteness trait. The fluff ain't bad, either. Nothin' wrong with towel nibblin'.
But is it cute enough to inspire tidal waves of "heart" reactions on Facebook? Cute enough to choke our comment section with "awwwwws"? Cute, for example, like this fucking adorbz tiger cub? Worse yet, could it be mistaken for a duck -- aka the most basic member of the bird kingdom?
Impossible to say.
This much is certain: The endangered African penguin chick was born to parents "Burner" and "Snickers" (two solidly cute names), and it arrived weighing a healthy 50 grams. It's the 21st such penguin born at the Minnesota Zoo since 2011. You can't visit it yet, but it'll soon debut at the Penguins of the African Coast exhibit, brought to you by poisonously un-cute sponsor 3M.
To leave you, the treasured and valued reader, satiated, here's a YouTube video titled "Funny and cute penguin videos compilation":