I got a tattoo of Louis CK’s face across my nipple the day after I turned 19. In honor of his performance tonight at the Target Center, I thought I’d share some wisdom I’ve gained in the last three years I’ve had the tattoo.
1. Getting it felt pretty good. Too good. I’ll never look that tattoo artist in his eyes again.
A lot of people think that getting lines inked on your areola would be incredibly painful. It hurts, but more than that it was pretty titillating. A few of my friends were with me when I got it, and it was kind of awkward to have an erection for almost two hours straight.
2. The internet won’t just hate on the tattoo, they’ll judge your actual nipple too.
I think the only reason my nipples look so flat in that picture is because it’s not in 3D. I have very pronounced nipples, just like my father, and his father before him. I’m proud of my heritage, so I’m very offended by this comment found on “Daily of the Day.”
3. When you start doing standup comedy, people will somehow take you even less seriously.
It might seem like a strange career for people to not be down for a goof, but when I started doing standup around the same time, some of the older comics who found out about my tattoo thought it meant I looked at standup as one big joke. I mean, it is, but...
4. No single tattoo will help you find love.
It’s been three years since I got this tattoo, and SOMEHOW I’m still single. Which is why I recently got another tattoo, this time on my lower back. Here we go again!
5. Louie might be on hiatus, but your nipple keeps staring back at you, turning every day into a surreal episode of day-to-day life, just like the show.
That’s right, your whole life is just like the Emmy award-winning FX series that made Louis C.K. an even bigger star. The one major difference is instead of having a bad relationship with your father, you have no relationship with him, because he’s dead.
6. Even though Buzzfeed has named your tattoo one of "31 tattoos that will make you scream 'Nooooo!'" you won’t regret it.
Because you’re obviously a fucking idiot who has enough regrets already (like not telling your dad you loved him enough before he left).