10 best and most underappreciated mustaches of Movember
When it comes to terribly awesome action movies, Steven Segal gets way more play than he deserves. Sure, he has awesome catchphrases and a rad ponytail, but in the world of grooming, the rule is that mustaches beat ponytails. Which is why Charles Bronson is our dude.
Who can forget Napoleon's wig-wearing, mustache-clad, presidential compadre? With a heart of gold and an upper-lip growth reminiscent of America's greatest underage lover, Vili Fualaau, Pedro arguably stole the show in the cult-classic film that taught us all the importance of listening to our hearts. This Movember, we'll all Vote for Pedro.
Sure, the Hulkster may have blazed a trail for well-oiled wrestlers with well-oiled mustaches in the '80s and '90s, but for every great hero, there has to be a great villain. At the peak of Desert Storm, Sergeant Slaughter turned his back on America and became an Iraqi sympathizer who made it his goal to bring down our hero Hulk Hogan. And he had just the facial hair to do it.
Breaking down barriers at number six, Christopher Hewett taught sitcom fans in the '80s that a mustache is key when it comes to cooking, cleaning, solving family problems, and dealing with Bob Ueker on a weekly basis. Mr. Belvedere made being a male nanny/housekeeper look cool long before the term "manny" was even a thing. Combine his excellent taste in facial hair with his sweet English accent, and Mr. Belvedere brought a hint of class to the mustache game that few have ever duplicated.
Cosmo Spacely is the embodiment of horrible bosses: He's short, has bad facial hair, and threatens to fire people every chance he gets. Mr. Spacely is responsible for teaching a whole generation of children to hate "the man," as he's always coming down on fun-loving, hard-working George Jetson. If it weren't for Cosmo's little-man syndrome, short temper, and busy mustache, kids might have grown up thinking that the working world was actually a fun place, even in the year 2062. Thanks for crushing a generation, Mr. Spacely.
This dude has every right to get pissed. Super Mario spent years flaunting his big, video-game-y mustache, enjoying all the perks of being Nintendo royalty. Fame, girls, Italian food; you name it, he had it. But what about Wario? The evil counterpart of Mario has a far better mustache, with an evil zigzag pattern and more attitude in his soft purple overalls than that asshole Luigi could ever dream of. Still, it took Wario years to get on the same page as his dopey arch-nemesis, and to this day stoners everywhere are waging war between the two in dorm-room Mario Cart battles.
To be fair, Jordan was probably the best basketball player of his generation. But if you can find a player from that era -- or any era -- who could wear a mustache better than Patrick Ewing, you're a goddamn liar. Ewing dominated the court for 15 seasons with the New York Knicks, striking fear into his opponents thanks to his size, physicality, and perfect mustache. While he never won an NBA title, he will always hold the title of "Most Baller Mustache" in league history.
Think back to the first time you ever saw a mustache. Maybe your dad or your grandpa had one, but REALLY think about the first mustache you ever laid eyes on. Yep, it was Mr. Potato Head. For over 60 years, kiddos have been weirdly assembling MPH's face with ears in eyeholes, shoes where the nose belongs, and lips for ears. But no one ever messes with the mustache. Mr. Potato Head was the OG of facial hair, teaching boys and girls of all ages what a mustache is, where it belongs on the face (or vegetable), and why it's awesome. He also proved that the best toys are timeless (and mad-sexy).
Alex Trebek doesn't get nearly enough credit for his beautiful mustache. He's been boggling our minds with trivia, monotone delivery, and so much condescending attitude for roughly 30 years, and doesn't let a razor slow him down. Since 1984, Jeopardy! has been a smash hit for old folks, college dorks, and insomniacs alike, thanks in part to Alex's timeless facial hair. He's appeared in countless TV shows in movies AS HIMSELF, including the greatest film of all time, White Men Can't Jump. If Rosie Perez endorses the 'stache, you know it's for real.
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