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George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.
My Three Sons: That's two too many.
Friends: Let's just make it Friend.
Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.
Moonlighting: David Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.
G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.
Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.
Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)
HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!
Law & Order: Contains neither.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.
I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.
True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.
The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.
Survivor: There is no survivor.
To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.
Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.
Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.
I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.
The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.
509 comments
'Game of Thrones': Will the HBO Series Catch Up to George R.R. Martin's Books? - ow.ly/lVxyU
Five Questions The Season Finale Of ‘Game of Thrones’ Raises For Readers Of George R.R. Martin’s Books: The fi... bit.ly/16alJrx
#p2 Five Questions The Season Finale Of ‘Game of Thrones’ Raises For Readers Of George R.R. Martin’s Books... bit.ly/1btihso
Video: George R.R. Martin “Game Of Thrones” Spoilers “Jamie Lannister forms ‘King Slayer’, the first heavy... tmblr.co/ZjH5Wwn71uFk
I thing George R. R. Martin by mistake did switch the places of episodes 09 and 10 of the Game of Thrones...
Gather your team because it is Trivia Tuesday on Freret! Here's last week's winners, team 'George R. R. Martin,... fb.me/D7eF0sZW
Game of the thrones,blogging,twitter,feeling sleepy and traveling to Beijing tomorrow...wetin man wan do sef..lol
Haven't seen or read Game of Thrones, I think because of George R. R. Martin's name. That second R. just bugs the hell outta me.
On page 628 of 807 of A Game of Thrones, by George R.R. Martin: Close to the end! bit.ly/ZHDOeK
after reading it, all i could say is..you fucking filthy rotten dirty rat bastard piece of shit . ROT IN HELL GEORGE R.R.MARTIN
George R.R. Martin has told the producers of Game of Thrones the ending, just in case he dies before finishing the novels'@EthanConey WOT.
George R.R. Martin has told the producers of Game of Thrones the ending, just in case he dies before finishing the novels.
‎"O amor é veneno. Um doce veneno, sim, mas mata do mesmo jeito.” George R.R. Martin
Winter Is Cozy: George R.R. Martin Spoils The Next Season Of ‘Game Of Thrones’ uproxx.com/tv/2013/06/geo…
Architect. RT @Explorer: Are you an "architect" or a "gardener"? Game of Thrones creator George R.R. Martin on the two types of writers...
'Game of Thrones': Will the HBO Series Catch Up to George R.R. Martin's Books? thebea.st/190jmIW via @thedailybeast
Nintendo in the sky with diamonds...Art Academy, maravilloso.Y otro Mario.George R.R. Martin debería asesorar a Nintendo, ya sabes, Mario...
Just heard the best Game of Thrones joke. "Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have a Twitter account?" "Because he killed all 140 characters. ".
Win A Copy Of George R.R. Martin ‘A Game Of Thrones’ The Graphic Novel Volume Two redcarpetcrash.com/win-a-copy-of-… @GameOfThrones #GameOfThrones
Game of Thrones: Will the HBO Series Catch Up to George R.R. Martin's Books? thebea.st/190jmIW via @thedailybeast
'Game of Thrones' author George R.R. Martin: Why he wrote The Red Wedding -- EXCLUSIVE insidetv.ew.com/2013/06/02/gam…
A Game of Thrones: The Graphic Novel: Volume Two George R.R. Martin - Bantam. amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS…
'Game of Thrones' author George R.R. Martin: Why he wrote The Red Wedding -- EXCLUSIVE insidetv.ew.com/2013/06/02/gam… via @EW
Reading A Game of Thrones: The Graphic Novel, Issue 1 by George R. R. Martin — path.com/p/3i9t9k
La idea de editar un libro recopilatorio de chistes sobre la boda roja. Sería más tocho que uno de George R.R. Martin.
George R. R. Martin, the author of Game of Thrones, butchered his entire family after locking them up in hsi Santa Fe residence!
If you haven't seen it already , go to castle-vidcons.com basically Game of the Thrones meets Videogame Consoles pic.twitter.com/0G6fyu0euG
Dice George R.R. Martin que solo tenéis que esperar 1 año para saber que pasa en la cuarta temporada.
Photoset: artsandherbs: Winter Is Cozy: George R.R. Martin Spoils The Next Season Of ‘Game Of Thrones’ tmblr.co/Zb3NUxn4unRu
@habrey hoop dit laat jou bietjie beter verstaan Did George R. R. Martin write Sony's E3 script? Because they murdered Microsoft...
I'm feeling like Daenerys Targaryen should win the Game of Thrones, but I don't trust George R. R. Martin to not suddenly kill her off.
What the hell did I just read on Tumblr about Game of Thrones the book? George R.R. Martin you are evil. :c
‘Game of Thrones’: Will the HBO Series Catch Up to George R.R. Martin’s Books? thebea.st/190jmIW via @thedailybeast
FYI, the spoilers aren't real. lol. George R.R. Martin "Game Of Thrones" Spoilers youtu.be/KNRbV66Q-wo
I'm fairly sure George R. R. Martin wrote Sony's E3 script because they slaughtered Microsoft.
Photo: mryinks: “When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die” - George R. R. Martin, A Game of... tmblr.co/ZMm3wxn4asMl
On page 37 of 864 of A Game of Thrones, by George R.R. Martin: Slow going so far, but I'm enjoying the read. At le... bit.ly/14RAAnu
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