If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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Ben Spencer
Ben Spencer

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin: The Rolling Stone Interview | Movies News | Rolling Stone rol.st/1jYxZAU

Gossip Dawg
Gossip Dawg

George R.R. Martin Addresses 'Game of Thrones' Rape - <!-- --> George R.R. Martin the controversial... j.mp/1f0FHgE

Gossip Dawg
Gossip Dawg

George R.R. Martin Addresses 'Game of Thrones' Rape - <!-- --> George R.R. Martin the controversial... j.mp/1f0FHgE

Gossip Dawg
Gossip Dawg

George R.R. Martin Addresses 'Game of Thrones' Rape - <!-- --> George R.R. Martin the controversial... j.mp/1f0FHgE

jordisoler
jordisoler

"Valar morghulis – all men must die. Mortality is the inescapable truth of all life . . . and of all stories, too." -George R.R.Martin Ay.

C
C

Game of the thrones sen nasıl bir şeysin yaa..

UĞUR TÜRKDAL
UĞUR TÜRKDAL

Flash tv mantığıyla Game of the Thrones yorumları felan ne ayaksın amk

Antonette Sarte
Antonette Sarte

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Tato1200
Tato1200

Game of The Thrones....Great TV Show!!

Alexandre
Alexandre

I'm affraid George R.R. Martin starts eating himself to death before he finishes the Game of Thrones books.

Alexandre
Alexandre

I'm affraid George R.R. Martin starts eating himself to death before he finishes the Game of Thrones books.

Euan Semple
Euan Semple

Reeling for the twists and turns in A Game Of Thrones and concluding that George R. R. Martin is not to be trusted!

Ron Stewart
Ron Stewart

'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Explains How A 'Spontaneous Vision' Led To The Series ow.ly/2FZX7K

Gossip Dawg
Gossip Dawg

George R.R. Martin Addresses 'Game of Thrones' Rape - <!-- --> George R.R. Martin the controversial... j.mp/1f0FHgE

Amber
Amber

(Am I the only one who thought the scene was hot?) 'Game of Thrones': George R.R. Martin on controversial scene cnn.com/2014/04/22/sho…

Biz Ins
Biz Ins

New post: "'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Explains How A 'Spontaneous Vision' Led To The Series" ift.tt/1ptECCl

DERRICK	SNYDER
DERRICK SNYDER

'Game Of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Explains How A 'Spontaneous Vision' Led To The Series: George R.R. Martin has created one...

Gossip Dawg
Gossip Dawg

George R.R. Martin Addresses 'Game of Thrones' Rape - <!-- --> George R.R. Martin the controversial... j.mp/1f0FHgE

Gossip Dawg
Gossip Dawg

George R.R. Martin Addresses 'Game of Thrones' Rape - <!-- --> George R.R. Martin the controversial... j.mp/1f0FHgE

 

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