If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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14648 comments
Twilight God
Twilight God

@earthbendan I feel like George R.R. Martin low key made this show. All the good characters are dying. Thats some Game of Thrones shit.

Wizard4Movies
Wizard4Movies

IN THE HOUSE OF THE WORM Comic-Con Panel Recap: George R.R. Martin Talks Comics Fandom, GAME OF THRONES Succes... bit.ly/1pONApI

Tony Manning
Tony Manning

IN THE HOUSE OF THE WORM Comic-Con Panel Recap: George R.R. Martin Talks Comics Fandom, GAME OF THRONES Success,... bit.ly/1rfzuyx

MelekDenizTanrıverdi
MelekDenizTanrıverdi

Game Of The Thrones'a başladım. Ned Stark'a bir şey olacak diye çok korkuyorum!

Cris Rodrigues
Cris Rodrigues

Bem e Agora Uma Pequena Surpresa...Especialmente Para os Fãs de "The Game Of The Thrones",a Paparoca Que é... fb.me/1bCMh0DWe

Matt Kalish
Matt Kalish

I'm not even a hundred pages into the first Game of Thrones book and George R. R. Martin has already killed someone off. I see how it is.

¿Españiel?
¿Españiel?

omg George R. R. Martin sells Game of Thrones deaths for $20,000. If u want someone dead, pay him $20,000 and they'll die in the next book

 I ♥ Sarcasmo
I ♥ Sarcasmo

George R.R. Martin no tiene piedad.Cada muerte de tantos personajes muy queridos .

اسم قائل “When you play the game of the thrones you win or you die , there’s no middle ground”

♫ Clementine ♫
♫ Clementine ♫

Te amaría como si fueras la ultima maravilla sobre la faz de la tierra pero ni siquiera ves Game of the thrones

All News
All News

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of... twrr.co.vu/MCO

Latest News
Latest News

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of... bit.ly/1rv0wE8

KATELYN	MATTSON
KATELYN MATTSON

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of books penned a touchin...

PhokaneMedia Inc
PhokaneMedia Inc

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of... bit.ly/WFqUjv

Movies for All
Movies for All

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of... bit.ly/WFqVDY

All News
All News

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of... twrr.co.vu/MBy

Movies_News
Movies_News

'Game of Thrones' Author George R.R. Martin Writes Letter to Teenage Fan: The writer behind the cult series of... news1.co.vu/pvu

Tomm Matthis
Tomm Matthis

When questioned about the rape and violence in Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin replied: "The true horro... ift.tt/1oduv0a

Learnt Today That
Learnt Today That

When quoestioned about the rape and violence in Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin replied: "The true horrors of... is.gd/ziELuf

Mae Ryl
Mae Ryl

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Ben Siemon
Ben Siemon

The Catelyn Stark actress on "Game of Thrones" will appear on ABC's "Resurrection" in the role of "Lady Dead Thanks to George R.R. Martin."

Ozzy Altay
Ozzy Altay

game of the Thrones Soundtrack bazen herşeyi açıklıyor :d

 

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