If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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28190 comments
♘

Nada me emputa más como ver que George R.R. Martin está en una entrega de premios y no ESCRIBIENDO LOS LIBROS DE GAME OF THRONES QUE FALTAN.

Phife Moose
Phife Moose

Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin postpones release date of Winds of Winter because he's too busy murdering people in real life

idigitaltimes
idigitaltimes

'Winds Of Winter' Spoilers: George R.R. Martin Teases Death Of More Viewpoint Characters, Who Will It Be? bit.ly/1pJcrhH

Alex Kidman
Alex Kidman

@lukehopewell You realise that George R.R. Martin is now obliged to kill you, possibly while you're naked?

Maya Chandrakumar
Maya Chandrakumar

I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart was once. -George R.R. Martin

john doe
john doe

CVC Diverts Medical Resources To Keeping George R. R. Martin Alive Long Enough To Finish 11th And, Reputedly, Final B zomby.me

MacrotrollCR
MacrotrollCR

Me quedo con la de la India y con la de Europa. Ah, y con la de George R.R. Martin.

Craig Garcia
Craig Garcia

George R.R. Martin looks exactly like the guy my mom told me not to talk to when I was 8.

TV Cynics
TV Cynics

The Latest TV News: Emmys: George R.R. Martin Fields Fanboy Question Outside Swanky Soiree ift.tt/1nFmWhe

Morena ॐ
Morena ॐ

Algumas velhas feridas nunca se curam, realmente, e sangram novamente, a menor palavra.” - George R.R. Martin.

Robb Badlam
Robb Badlam

David Chase: "Tony Soprano is still alive." George R. R. Martin: "Pussy."

Kai
Kai

George R. R. Martin ist ein Sadist!!!

Book Store
Book Store

"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one." - George R.R. Martin, A Dance With Dragons

Jeff Heath
Jeff Heath

Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word - George R.R. Martin

✖✖
✖✖

Típico de George R. R. Martin, matar a los personajes que mas quieres :S @_YuriOrtiz_

Kathryn Walsh
Kathryn Walsh

@HoldenRae Why is it that when one man builds a wall, the next man immediately needs to know what's on the other side? -GEORGE R. R. MARTIN”

Keila W
Keila W

: Rogues: Rogues by George R. R. Martin (Author, Narrator), Gardner Dozois (Author), Gillian Flynn (Author), Neil... amzn.to/1jBmoas

30Beats30Days
30Beats30Days

Once you've accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you. -George R.R. Martin

3Hunna ️
3Hunna ️

Non game of the thrones c trop une série dégueulasse 😩

 

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