If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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40010 comments
LagerRaumEis
LagerRaumEis

Meine Schwester hat am selben Tag Geburtstag wie George R. R. Martin

Amanda
Amanda

"Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness." - George R.R. Martin

Christophe Dularde
Christophe Dularde

Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word - George R.R. Martin

Jean™
Jean™

"Les gens se prétendent volontiers affamés de vérité, mais ils la trouvent rarement à leur goût lorsqu'on la leur sert."- George R.R. Martin

UM_MSA
UM_MSA

“Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Words of Life
Words of Life

Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you. -George R.R. Martin

lisa
lisa

imagine if George R.R. Martin wrote 50 shades of grey

Jean Diaz Useche
Jean Diaz Useche

"Creare una familia a la que todos quieran y los iré torturan y matando uno por uno". -George R. R. Martin

Neh
Neh

George R.R. Martin is messing with my feelings...thank you very much.

CurateZAR| Dineo
CurateZAR| Dineo

My favourite fiction authors (in no particular order) Chimamanda Adichie (OK, she is #1) Michael Robotham George R.R. Martin (love/hate)

La Cueva Del Futbol
La Cueva Del Futbol

Si le caen 10 meses por inventarse una violación, cuánto le podría caer a George R. R. Martin?

CashOUT
CashOUT

Reducere 50% la Nemira.ro pentru pachetul "Cantec de gheata si foc" de George R.R. Martin! In plus, ai 6,5%... fb.me/6YJDWKNxw

Lari
Lari

Eu ainda não to acreditando no que aconteceu naquele livro. Se eu encontrar o George R.R. Martin vou dar um tapa na cara dele kkkk

王康娜
王康娜

do u think Tolkien's ghost is peeved that George R. R. Martin stole his whole double middle initial thing or is he flattered?

 

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