If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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6734 comments
Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

Gossip Gorilla
Gossip Gorilla

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1gtSwOX

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

Nikki
Nikki

my personal favorite Game of Thrones theory is that George R.R. Martin is going to croak before he ever finished the books.

Sam Smith
Sam Smith

Forgot to record the 2nd episode of game of the thrones:/

The Phantom Jew Fro
The Phantom Jew Fro

Reason why I'm not gonna get into Game Of Thrones till it's over is I just KNOW George R.R. Martin is gonna die before he finishes the books

Muhittin Aslan
Muhittin Aslan

Game of the thrones joffrey öldü sen ölmedin kitapsızın kızı :-)

Betül Yıldız
Betül Yıldız

Icim 4 e bolundu imal , dus , hannibal , game of the thrones

patrick
patrick

George R.R. Martin's To-Do List: ☑ eat potato chips ☑ relax ☑ wear sailor hats ☑ grow older ☐ write the rest of the Game of Thrones books

Matruşka
Matruşka

Her hafta tek umudu game of the thrones hakkında spoiler yemeden yeni bölümü izleyebilmek olan insanlar, insanlarımız .

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

கிருஷ்ணா
கிருஷ்ணா

I feel so lost whenever my friends talk about those serials like Vampire Diaries and Game of The Thrones. -.-

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

Alperen KURT
Alperen KURT

Şu game of the thrones ile vikingleri kısacık süre de çekiyorsunuz ya ne sövüyorum size bilesiniz.

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

Matthew William
Matthew William

That game of thrones episode was fuckin nutty though, I love George R. R. Martin. Can't wait for the rest of the season.

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

MARIO CARDOZO
MARIO CARDOZO

Muy bueno el 2do capitulo de la 4ta temp de Game of the Thrones

Aubrey Hooper
Aubrey Hooper

"The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword." Ned Stark of Winterfell (Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin)

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin talks 'Game of Thrones' twist - Spoiler alert: The following interview with Game of Thrones... j.mp/1sZkCXE

reirlyn-
reirlyn-

Peki ya game of the thrones'la hiç ilgisi olmayanları düşündünüz mü?

Züm*
Züm*

Hayatiniz Game of the Thrones olmus aq yeter baydiniz aq yeter aq yeter.

Eamonn Forde
Eamonn Forde

Herself's in the living room watching her cartoon (aka The Game Of The Thrones) and I'm in bed reading a book about Ballymena

Rui Landim
Rui Landim

Agora é fazer o almoço para amanhã e GAME OF THE THRONES

Berkeley News
Berkeley News

Game of Thrones 4×02 Recap: THE BASTARD IS DEAD!: Serial killer and Santa impersonator George R.R.Martin, who... dlvr.it/5PJ5Wr

Hande Gülcan
Hande Gülcan

Daha ikinci bolumu izleyemeden bana Game of the Thrones'un en baba spoiler'ini veren fenomen terk arkadasa selamlar.

Bo Hullihen
Bo Hullihen

George R.R. Martin's tweet last night after Game of Thrones, "you're welcome," was classic and made me love him and his series all the more!

Theodore Bressman
Theodore Bressman

After watching 3+ seasons of Game of Thrones, the only thing I know for sure is George R. R. Martin was probably left at the altar

 

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