If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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15258 comments
Christian
Christian

“The things we love destroy us every time, lad. Remember that.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones @koibu0

Christian
Christian

“Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones @koibu0

Literature Quotes
Literature Quotes

“Nothing burns like the cold.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

Rick Todd
Rick Todd

Comic-Con 2014: Watch The Extended Interview with Game of Thrones' George R.R. Martin From ...: ... Game of T... bit.ly/1qA0GaN

Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones

George R.R. Martin on his obligation to the fans, and involvement in Game of Thrones: As a Santa Fe resident, ... twrr.co.vu/OSL

Jack Feria
Jack Feria

George R.R. Martin broke tradition and did not write an episode for the upcoming season of GAME OF THRONES. "The Winds of Winter" is coming.

The Luci
The Luci

George R.R. Martin on his obligation to the fans, and involvement in Game of Thrones ift.tt/1saOC1N

ProWIN
ProWIN

Check out this great article, George R.R. Martin: Not Even the Most Murderous 'Game of Thrones' Writer buff.ly/1qEqg32

Rick Wilson
Rick Wilson

"And then the fuzzy bunny was MURDERED." RT @io9: George R.R. Martin Is Writing A Game Of Thrones Children's Book bit.ly/1nc2wLE

albert vilardaga
albert vilardaga

Imagineu si George R.R. Martin fos segrestat per Annie Wilkes .

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

TVSA
TVSA

Game of Thrones' George R.R. Martin discusses the possibility of Tyrion's death in Season 5: bit.ly/1rQIg6u

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

Gossip Central
Gossip Central

George R.R. Martin's reason for not writing for - Now that the fourth season of Game of Thrones is over,... j.mp/1osq2sL

Fina Chy
Fina Chy

kok bisa ya ada cerita seapik the song of ice and fire...😅😂 – Reading A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin — path.com/p/JOaAw

Jose Regalado
Jose Regalado

“The man who fears losing has already lost.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Jim Henley
Jim Henley

Someday I will record the Game of Thrones theme song with the lyrics. "It's the Game Of the Thro-ones now It's the Game Of the Thrones...

 

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