If George R. R. Martin Wrote Every TV Show Ever

George R. R. Martin took a break from killing Starks today to send us this list of the notes he would send to the producers of TV shows if he were put in charge of them. [NOTE: We made this up.] Here's what he dashed off for us, in between shouting descriptions of imaginary feasts.

My Three Sons: That's two too many.

Friends: Let's just make it Friend.

Project Runway: This week's challenge: Fashion something grand from smallclothes and boiled leather.

MoonlightingDavid Addison loses a hand; Maddie Hayes loses her blouse. Also: They're brother and sister.

G.I. Joe: You know those parachutes that save the Joes every time their jets get shot down? Let's replace those with death-shadows expelled from Lady Jaye's vagina.

Twin Peaks: The story of Roz, a Winterfell girl trying to make it in the big city.

Cheers: Horndog tavernkeep Sam Malone is haunted by dreams of his warg self, an actual horndog. Diane Chambers marries a well-spoken dwarf (Kelsey Grammar.)

HBO's Cathouse: Now with archery!

Law & Order: Contains neither.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Six time the warrior is slain, and six times the Lord of Light imbues him again with unholy life.

I Love Lucy: The line dividing Lucy and Ricky's halves of the apartment is patrolled by bastards and rapists.

True Blood: Everything is 22 percent less cartoonishly bloody and gratuitous.

The Flintstones: “It's a living,” sighs a dinosaur/turntable, just before immolating its master.

Survivor: There is no survivor.

To Catch a Predator: Predator escapes, slowly becomes the hero.

Happy Days: In mid-shark jump, Fonzie is bitten in half.

Full House: Now has vacancies. Also: When Uncle Jessie marries Samantha, the sound of a blade gutting Danny Tanner turns out just to be one of Joey's amusing sound effects.

I Dream of Jeanie: Before meeting Larry Hagman, Jeanie wanders the desert for seven seasons.

The Simpsons: No changes! Like all good series, the first half should be tight, focused, and touching upon brilliance. Then, it should bloat on and on, focusing on irrelevant characters and growing increasingly tiresome and meaningless.

 
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30983 comments
O Papa Virgens
O Papa Virgens

Ando tão revoltado com Game Of Thrones, o George R. R. Martin devia estar bêbedo quando escolheu quem havia de morrer

rodrigo
rodrigo

@giortiz_ ah, melhor que nada. falta sempre o sexto livro do george r.r. martin la, lerdo pra escrever kkkk

berzerk.
berzerk.

George R.R. Martin describe tanto y tan bien la comida que leerle me sirve de desayuno, comida, merienda y cena.

El Bombito
El Bombito

Se o George R.R. Martin se casasse outra vez, contrataria uma Agência Funerária ou uma Matrimonial?

Andrea Harris
Andrea Harris

@lavietidhar Probably whatever Americans like George R.R. Martin eats. I mean Tolkien gave his prehistoric hobbits potatoes and tobacco.

Shehyn
Shehyn

Que se manifieste quien sea capaz de explicar por qué a George R. R. Martin le parecen pocas 7 temporadas de juego de tronos, por favor.

Dan Ramos
Dan Ramos

"Neste livro todos os personagens vão para a cama sem sobremesa! O sadismo de George R. R. Martin não tem fim!"... fb.me/370Y0lAIt

Ms. thay-l ayayay
Ms. thay-l ayayay

Tenho que ler o livro da escola mas quem disse que o George r. r. Martin deixa?

The Mad Hatter
The Mad Hatter

"George R.R. Martin a raconté la fin de sa saga aux producteurs de la série Au cas où il vienne à calancher avant d'avoir fini son roman...

Joshua Rice
Joshua Rice

George R. R. Martin - another highly successful graduate of the Tell Don't Show school of writing.

Makbule
Makbule

Khaleesi'ye ejderhalarını zincirleten Game Of The Thrones yönetmeninede yazıklar olsun..

Stepherz
Stepherz

"And Death His Legacy" by George R.R. Martin is officially one of my favorite short stories.

fernanda gama
fernanda gama

numa notícia sobre a morte de sergio rodrigues, bati o olho na foto e meu coração gelou pq achei que fosse o george r. r. martin

GoT BoT
GoT BoT

MichaelaMann4: Nicht nur der Urheber von Game of Thrones, Buchautor George R. R. Martin, liebt Brüste. Auch die ... ift.tt/1uaFxXC;

Michaela Mann
Michaela Mann

Nicht nur der Urheber von Game of Thrones, Buchautor George R. R. Martin, liebt Brüste. Auch die Drehbuchautoren... fb.me/3rMI2qhKg

Alfredo O. Salazar
Alfredo O. Salazar

'El miedo no debe avergonzarnos , lo importante es cómo nos enfrentamos a él' - George R. R. Martin 'Choque de Reyes'

 

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