Polyamory in the Twin Cities

A peek at the metro community that believes love is too big for just two

"It's always an issue," she says.

Jami's first experience with jealousy in a poly situation came when she was in a quad with three other people early on.

"It wasn't that we didn't like each other or anything, it's just one of those things where sometimes your needs and the other people dating within that quad don't match up. We broke up, but I'm still great friends with them."

Unlike Carrie and her triad, Jami is bisexual. This made Jami's coming out to family even more interesting.

"My siblings were totally fine with me being bi, but opposed to the idea of being poly," she explains. "But my grandparents were totally fine with it. They just said they wanted me to be happy with the right man or woman or both."

Whether it's misconceptions or a different moral compass, Jami believes those who have the biggest problem with her as a poly have one key reason for their distaste: "People have a problem with the idea that I can have my cake and eat it too."

And while she may be correct, she's also quick to insist that being poly isn't just about sex.

"To me, being poly is about building open, honest, lasting relationships. I just believe that some people are meant to be monogamous and others aren't. I tried being monogamous and I realized it's not for me.

"Some people say that being poly isn't an orientation like being straight or gay, that it's a choice. Personally, I think that the fact I don't have to be everything for just one person is fantastic. It's just better." 

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16 comments
BillStewart2012
BillStewart2012

But really, just think about what polyamory is going to do to Country Music.  Songs like "Your Cheatin' Heart" and "It's a shame to belong to someone else when the right one comes along" and "he was her man, but he done her wrong" pretty much go away.  I suppose you get some new flavors of drama to write about, but is it worth losing "jealousy" as easy subject matter?

EvanEvans333
EvanEvans333

@LeathrHeartClan What was the book on plural relationships that her husband introduced her to?

carolj1974
carolj1974

I thought the article did a good job. I would like to say, though, that the having-children-and-being-poly situation may not be as dire as the folks interviewed indicated. As long as the grandparents are tolerant, they aren't going to try and take the kids away in court. And there has been at least one third-parent adoption in this state (and a couple in other states that I'm aware of), so nonbiological poly parents can get legal parental rights in some cases.

CinBlueland
CinBlueland topcommenter

Welcome to 1978, swingers have been around for quite a while. Giving them a cute new name "poly"

Sorry..

ShomerShabbas
ShomerShabbas

Way to ride this trend about seven years past its crest...but I guess you people need something to do in your igloos besides hibernate and watch the Vikings lose for the next eight months.

happy_skeptic
happy_skeptic

@jt_olsen Oh please. Polyamory IS a "lifestyle" choice. No one is born polyamorous. This is another red herring. @mnformarriage #VoteNO

anitawagnerillig
anitawagnerillig

Thanks Patrick Strait for treating this subject respectfully, for demonstrating that such families aren't as uncommon as some might imagine,  and for giving your readers a much more accurate view of them than those who oppose them ever do.  Great job!

RandyFrehse
RandyFrehse

@LeathrHeartClan I'm proud of what we've done with the community here it's a great place to be poly.

Kieron
Kieron

Author's last name... coincidence?

Modern Poly
Modern Poly

Thank you for this well written article.

PatrickStrait
PatrickStrait

@polyamorypundit @modernpoly Thank you! Glad you liked it!

fishintheseam
fishintheseam

 @CinBlueland : Poly and Swingers are totally different. While as a "swinger" you aren't really in a relationship except with the person you came there with, and you "swing" with other couples in a non-relationship just sex thing. Poly peoples, couples, etc usually are in multiple relationships (key word relationships).

 

So, yeah it's cute.

 

Sorry to you.

anitawagnerillig
anitawagnerillig

Probably.  Being straight doesn't disqualify writers from covering the subject.  Interesting point, though.  :)

 
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