Mystery Meet

Thanks to Spamalot, the son of former St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly is dating American Idol Clay Aiken

Reed Kelly, the son of former St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly, is dating American Idol superstar Clay Aiken, if you believe Star magazine and the bloggers at the Pioneer Press.

Reed, a dancer for the show Wicked, and Clay apparently met while Clay was performing in the Broadway show Spamalot. The couple was pictured in this month's Star. "Everybody knows Reed as Clay's guy," a Broadway insider was quoted as saying.

We can only wonder what is going through the former mayor's head. He's been keeping a low profile ever since he lost his bid for reelection when, as a Democrat, he endorsed and campaigned for President Bush in 2004.

Reed's brother must be feeling a little jilted, too. Ryan Kelly served as Daddy's campaign manager and was a prominent broker during the RNC.

If we're lucky, Reed will bring Clay home for the holidays. —Beth Walton

Meth becomes him

Remember Russell Simon, the ex-con-turned-Just-Say-No motivational speaker who went on a meth-fueled, drunken rampage last spring? The dude who was convicted of five felonies last fall, including attempted murder?

He was sentenced last week: 20 years in the slammer.

The jury voted unanimously that "substantial and compelling circumstances" were at play, meaning: Simon's substance-crazed assault of Pam Wilcox—his live-in girlfriend at the time—inflicted emotional and psychological distress on Wilcox and her family to a degree that warranted a stiff penalty.

Because of Simon's—shall we say "ample"?—criminal history, the minimum sentence was already pretty steep, and with the time tacked on it'll be a long time before he gets to lecture Minnesota's youth about the dangers of drug use and how he was able to turn his life around with the help of Jesus.

"We're pleased," says prosecuting chief deputy county Amy Reed-Hall. "There are a lot of women throughout the state who will sleep better for the next 20 years." Matt Snyders

The ultimate mall fighter

They might not have guns, but Mall of America security forces will kick some serious ass if you push them.

This summer, the mall's security staff began a 40-hour training program in Krav Maga, the official defensive martial arts technique used by the Israel Defense Forces.

MOA Security Captain Michael Rozin started working at the mall more than three years ago after moving to Minnesota from Israel. He wanted to train the security officers at the mall in techniques that can be used to safely control suspects in hostile situations.

"Our officers had no tools to deal with some situations, such as a suspect pulling a gun, or choking someone," he said. "With my experience in the past, I know [Krav Maga] can make all the difference."

The techniques are based on instincts in dangerous situations that allow the potential victim to go on the offensive quickly with little need for physical strength and no serious harm to the suspect.

"In two to three moves, it can put the officer in a control position without taking a life," Rozin says.

Consider this the next time you want to trample a security guard for a door-buster sale. Emily Kaiser

Horny Vikings

Just in time for the holidays, Fox treated football fans to a very large unwrapped present: the naked dong of Visanthe Shiancoe.

Shiancoe's trouser snake slipped out when he was adjusting his towel. Vikings owner Zygi Wilf, unaware of the exposed man meat behind him, continued celebrating the Vikings' 20-16 emasculation of Detroit Lions.

Fox was quick to offer a mea culpa for televising the tight end's tallywacker. "It was an obvious oversight on our part, and we apologize," said network spokesman Dan Bell.

But leave it to gossip columnist C.J. to get the best quote of the week. When she told Shiancoe that the world was checking out his package on YouTube, he responded, in his best impression of Barry White: "How'd it look?"

Her answer: "Impressive."

That says a lot coming from C.J., who told Deadspin.com she sees Viking penis so much it doesn't even excite her anymore. —Emily Kaiser

 
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