By Rob van Alstyne
By Zach McCormick
By Emily Eveland
By Jack Spencer
By Michael Madden
By Reed Fischer
By Emily Weiss
By Emily Weiss
"The Tears and Music of Love"
The opening rhythm and tone hints, weakly, at that of "Footloose." Then a few bars pass and, yeah, it's just Deerhoof. An oddly lethargic Deerhoof, at that. Pass.
"Weeks of Rain"
You know those sort of maudlin, colorless United Airlines commercials? The cartoons? Where the utter joy of cartoons—and of flying on an airplane, for that matter—is totally bleached into a run-of-the-mill experience? With the droll piano music? The contracted ad agency should bring Volker Bertelmann and his modified ivories to liven shit up—just a bit, you know? Just enough that we don't fall asleep while waiting for the CBS Evening News to come back on or whatever.
Dollars to doughnuts elementary school-aged girls are already chanting this to one another while jumping double Dutch. Do principals let kids rock sequin-encrusted iPods during recess? I wonder. Do girls really wanna be Solange the way they wanna be Beyoncé, her big sis? That remains to be seen.
This is just, you know, all-out rapture—polyphonic, florid drone, like you just stumbled into some sort of Native American flute ceremony-cum-feedback-soaked orchestra pit.
Stern's got more raw kinetic fury coiled up in her little pinky fingernail than the other four artists/outfits profiled in this column have in their entire bodies combined, folks. I'm just sayin', is all.