Savage Love

Mr. Roper

If you leave the house and your goldfish bowl springs a leak and your precious goldfish dies, MR, you get another goldfish. If you leave the house and your muscle-bound bondage boy accidentally works himself into a position that compromises his breathing and he asphyxiates, you get indicted. But, hey, you and your boy are free to take calculated risks. But if you miscalculate, MR, be prepared to shoulder the consequences.

You told Geezer In Love, the 52-year-old man who found himself falling for a younger coworker who seemed to reciprocate his interest, "For all you know, this woman, like your coworkers, thinks you're a creepy old lech." My husband, who's been my partner for 14 years, is 34 years older than I am and he is not a "creepy old lech." Try loving, sexy, accomplished, and playful! You blithely dashed GIL's hopes, Dan, and then insulted him. I'm disappointed.

Love My Older Husband

The fact that your husband isn't a creepy old lech, LMOH, doesn't prove that GIL isn't a creepy old lech. My boyfriend is tall, blond, in his 30s, and he's not a cannibal. Using your logic, we'd have to conclude that Jeffrey Dahmer—who was tall, blond, and in his 30s—wasn't a cannibal, either.

And, come on, I never said that a younger person can't fall for an older person or vice versa. But an older man who thinks he's getting an interested vibe from a younger woman has to be on his guard against dickful thinking. GIL needs to ask himself if his coworker is truly interested before he does anything rash/idiotic/actionable. That's all I was saying.

Oh, and speaking of older folks banging/dating/marrying younger folks, some weeks back I solicited letters from readers about the "campsite rule," my rule for older folks dating younger folks (leave them in better shape than you found them). A selection of those responses can be read at

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