By Rob van Alstyne
By Zach McCormick
By Emily Eveland
By Jack Spencer
By Michael Madden
By Reed Fischer
By Emily Weiss
By Emily Weiss
Kim Deal would like you to know that she's lonely in the biblical sense (but wipe that smirk off your face, we don't mean it that way)—and she's saying so in a lazy, barebones way. Sort of an alt-rock Peanuts comic strip jawn, I guess.
Hip hop's second-most famous skate rat tosses a hearty "You go, girl" anthem into a world congested with for-the-ladies "do-me" tracks, which is A) dope if your dude kicks off your new mixtape with it and B) dull but useful if you're the dude in question. I wish Lupe didn't sound so out-to-lunch here; it's like he laid down the vocals while signing autographs or something. Props for the dorked-out metaphor involving Maury Povich, though.
"Touch My Body"
So Mariah's cool with the sentiments N.E.R.D. expressed on "Tape You," but post her doin'-the-do on YouTube and she'll "hunt you down." Since Mimi's like a full-grown sex kitten with a sixth-grader's mentality, that threat's just aw-shucks cute—and won't impede the continuing parade of XXX-rated fantasies her videos and pictorials encourage. Purists hate, rightfully, because Carey doesn't explore her usual upper-upper register range; any number of other songbirds could've swung this.
It clocks in at three minutes, nine seconds—not four minutes, capiche? Before I even downloaded this single, I knew it was a bad idea. I'm holding out for an expensive video where they're all dressed up as superheroes—maybe Wonder Woman, the Flash, and the Hulk?—trying to prevent Sean Bean from blowing up L.A. while throwing down in dance clubs. Highlight: Timbaland addressing Madge as "MaDONuh!"
My youngest niece's favorite pop star-cum-TV personality gets all mean and succinct and tells some joker to step off because, like, they're not in high school anymore and she's grown up and realizes he's a dillweed and stuff. But I don't hate it, you know? It's like phasers-set-to-cash-in Liz Phair-era Liz Phair that isn't trying to gross me out.