By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
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By Alleen Brown
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By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Hello, I am Vimala Blavatsky, the Winter Witch. Rob Brezsny asked me to make a guest appearance in your horoscope. Since spring is imminent, I'll soon be retiring from my public work and will begin the research, meditations, and prayers that will prepare for the new round of therapeutic magic I'll offer next winter. But I'm still available for a while longer to help you finish any work you've been doing in the following areas: building solid psychological foundations, taking total responsibility for your fate, pruning away extraneous wishes and dead-end dreams, and getting down to the core of every issue. How have you been progressing on those tasks? If you need a boost, send out a telepathic request for me to appear in your dreams. I'll be there.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The editors of the Our Dumb Century claim there are 40,000 jokes crammed into the book's 256 pages. It took 12 people two years to come up with this humor onslaught, they say, or four and a half jokes per person per day. I advise you to triple that output in the coming week, Capricorn. Even if you don't normally think of yourself as a comedian, the astrological omens suggest that you will be funnier than you've ever been. That's fortunate, because in order to get the most out of the upcoming opportunities, you should unleash a flood of wit and hilarity.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "The composer Stravinsky had written a new piece with a difficult violin passage," writes Thomas Powers, quoted in the book Sunbeams. "After it had been in rehearsal for several weeks, the solo violinist came to Stravinsky and said he was sorry, he had tried his best, the passage was too difficult, no violinist could play it. Stravinsky said, 'I understand that. What I am after is the sound of someone trying to play it.'" Keep this story close to your heart in the coming week, Aquarius. It will give you the proper perspective as you, too, go about the work of doing the best you can at a task that is virtually impossible to perfect.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A century before the New Age movement began, French playwright Victor Hugo (1802-1885) was conversing with the dead. I want to tell you what the spirit of Galileo told him at a séance, because it's the perfect message for you to hear right now: "You know what I would do if I were in your place? I'd drink from the milk basin of the Milky Way; I'd swallow comets; I'd lunch on dawn; I'd dine on day and I'd sup on night; I'd invite myself, splendid table-companion that I am, to the banquet of all the glories, and I'd salute God as my host! I'd work up a magnificent hunger, an enormous thirst, and I'd race through the drunken spaces between the spheres singing the fearsome drinking song of eternity." (Source: Conversations with Eternity, translated by John Chambers.)
In addition to this column, Rob Brezsny offers EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES designed to inspire you. To buy access, go to RealAstrology.com.