Savage Love

A A A Comments (0) By Dan Savage Wednesday, Dec 26 2007

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It sucks to have herpes, primarily due to the irrational fears of other people—people who may, for all they know, already have herpes themselves. But it's not the end of the world, or the end of your sex life, and it doesn't have to be the end of your relationship.

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I'm a bisexual girl. My boyfriend feels that I can "be all things" to him and fulfill him completely, but he can't do the same for me. I truly feel that, over the long term, I would never be with a girl. I would always long for that masculine/feminine balance. I feel that although girls are lovely and sweet, a girl just wouldn't make me feel the ways a boy does, and that I need what a boy offers more.

What can I do to make him see that he fulfills me in every way? We have discussed it endlessly, but his worries and insecurities won't budge.

Sad Girl

Of course he'll never fulfill you completely, SG, just as you'll never fulfill him completely. No one person can "be all things" to another person, and pretending otherwise can place a terrible strain on an otherwise serviceable relationship. The most we can hope for is finding someone who comes close enough, SG, someone we can round up to "complete fulfillment" status with a straight face, someone who can do the same for us.

So your boyfriend is either being naive with this "you can be all things to me, I can't be all things to you" crap or—and this seems more likely—he's being a fuckstick. Ask yourself this, SG: What does your boyfriend get by extending this conversation endlessly? Here's what: By pretending to feel insecure, your boyfriend gets a girlfriend who actually feels insecure. He gets a girlfriend who feels like she's always on probation, a girlfriend who is always at an emotional disadvantage. And then he gets to point to your one flaw—your bisexuality—as an excuse to never wholly commit to you.

You do realize, SG, that your bisexuality is not a flaw—far from it—and that there are tons of boys out there who would be ecfuckingstatic to trade places with your boyfriend. You might wanna let one.

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