Savage Love

 

I am a 26-year-old gay man living in Boston. I recently started dating a man in his 30s whose biggest turn-on is having a guy lick and kiss the bottoms of his feet. At first I enjoyed watching him get so much satisfaction while I licked and kissed his feet. But now I'm feeling uneasy. He has started asking me to get naked and worship his feet while he remains clothed and engages in nonsexual activities—things like watching TV, eating dinner, or just sitting back and having a smoke. I'm concerned that he's degrading me. I do have to say he more than gets me off after I do this for him. But I don't want to be in a relationship based on my being degraded—as good as it may feel to both of us.

Do I put up with feeling degraded and stick around for the great sex? Do I tell him how I'm feeling?

New Foot Licker

His biggest turn-on is having his feet "worshipped," he wants you to worship said feet while he ignores you, and he remains fully clothed while you slobber away bare-ass naked—uh, NFL? This scenario is all about degradation, about you debasing yourself to affirm his sexual dominance. So long as he's only interested in degrading you when you're having sex, NFL, and not interested in degrading or dominating you 24/7, then you're not in a relationship "based on [your] being degraded," but in a relationship with someone turned on by role-playing degradation scenarios.

Does his desire to have you worship his feet while he engages in nonsexual activities—TV, meals, smokes—represent outside-of-sex slippage? Not so long as hot sex follows your degradation, NFL. You see, your slobbering and your nudity transform whatever "nonsexual activities" he's engaging in—or pretending to engage in—into highly charged sexual activities. When you're not naked on the floor licking the bottoms of his feet, NFL, then watching TV is just watching TV. But when you are on the floor licking the bottoms of his feet, watching TV is foreplay.

Finally, NFL, of course you should tell him how you're feeling. You should also ask him where, if anywhere, this is going. Is this scenario—you completely nude, worshipping his feet while he, fully clothed, ignores you—the end point? Is it his ultimate turn-on? Or is he grooming you for more degrading tasks? But first ask yourself this: "What if his answer is yes?"

Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.

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