By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper," wrote media critic Ben Bagdikian, "is like trying to play Bach's St. Matthew Passion on a ukulele: The instrument is too crude for the work, for the audience, and for the performer." But if anyone could pull off such a feat, Sagittarius, it would be you in the state you're in now. You're ingenious at making the best out of mediocre situations. You have a special ability to transform limited resources into useful and valuable assets.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I predict that you will soon be drinking your morning wake-up beverage out of a goblet made of gold mined in ancient times. Songbirds will appear near your window to sing you tunes that magically unleash your dormant genetic potentials. Out of nowhere, servants will arrive and offer to wash your feet in jeweled basins once used to baptize the children of queens. Maybe most exciting of all, you will command the power of the wind and lightning. OK, so maybe everything I just predicted will only occur in your dreams. But even if that's the case, it's a sign that you're in a heightened state of receptivity to miracles and wonders – which suggests that they will soon be swirling around you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Here are a few of the interesting developments I expect that you will have enjoyed by the end of September: unexpected revelations about your past; a deeper commitment that spawns more freedom; an ethical use of smoke and mirrors for the most important hocus-pocus of the year; unheard-of emotions that are so transformative they make pain unnecessary; and – speaking metaphorically here – a night journey down a dark road that leads to a pile of coal where a huge diamond is hidden.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's an excellent time to seek out a more intimate relationship with your muse. I'd love to see you two develop a deeper commitment to each other. And if for some bizarre reason you don't have a muse or have lost touch with your muse, it's a perfect moment to correct that intolerable situation. And don't tell me that you're not an artist or writer or musician, and therefore don't need a muse. Everyone needs a muse, even soccer moms and homeless mimes. Especially these days, your well-being depends on the unpredictable inspirations that can best be provided by a person or spirit or luminary who captivates your imagination and drives you crazily sane with mysterious revelations.