Savage Love

And if you can't handle the tears, SWH, don't subject yourself to them. Live together? Pack up your shit when he's at work and move the fuck out. Don't live together? Even easier. Just call him and tell him it's over, you're gone, and hang up when he starts crying.

Recently, I had the chance to reconnect with a friend from high school. After one too many drinks, she confided in me about her sexual habits, telling me she likes "soiling." I stupidly asked what it was. The answer was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever heard: "You get some poo, and then you rub it on each other's skin." Apart from this shocking admission, she is a really nice girl. She is Christian and works in a caring profession. To look at her, you would never guess. But I don't want to see her again because I am grossed out by the mental image she gave me. My question is: Is it fair to end a friendship over someone's sexual practices?

Shocked Over Soiling

Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the world—including, ostensibly, the poop-rubbed ones who work in caring professions. But you're no one's savior, SOS, which means you're under no obligation to be similarly promiscuous with your affections. However, it isn't this woman's fetish that gives you grounds to end this friendship. It's her bad judgment and her lack of consideration.

Lots of people have creepy fetishes; the only way to avoid being friends with creepy fetishists is to refrain from having friends at all. What disqualifies this woman as a friend isn't her fetish, per se, it's her willingness to burden you with wholly unnecessary details about her sex life. For all you know, half your friends, both your parents, your boss, and a certain advice professional are into soiling. But all the other poop fetishists in your life have the good sense and common decency not to share this information with you.

Now some fetishes are charming and/or quirky, and friends may feel comfortable sharing these with each other. But soiling and/or poop fetishes are best managed on a "need to know" basis—and the only people who need to know about your friend's soiling fetish are the people she soils, is soiled by, or hopes to soil.

Download Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.

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