Savage Love

I've heard of lesbians turned on by gay porn, straight men turned on by chicks-with-dicks porn, and the odd gay man turned on by standard-issue hetero porn (vaginal/anal). But I've never heard of a gay man turned on by images of straight guys eating pussy. Most gay men are too grossed out by pussy—let's be honest, guys—to linger over images of hetero cunnilingus, no matter how hot the guy. So there's no secret subculture, YGET, and you are freakishly unique. Congrats.

 

I am a 33-year-old male who got back in touch with an old college girlfriend (now married). Long-distance catching up turned to flirting, flirting to planning, and we recently had our first sexual encounter since college. When we were together in college, she told me about being abused by a male cousin when she was a young teen. There was some emotional fallout, but she seemed okay. However, during our recent encounter, she ended the cunnilingus portion of our evening, and the entire evening, saying she never liked that because it reminded her of the abuse.

Have you ever heard of an abuse-related sexual dysfunction manifesting years after psychiatric help was sought? Or is this a way of not admitting to me that she's having cold feet about out affair?

Eagerly Awaiting Trusted Homo's Enlightening Response

Let's end with something I have heard of:

Yes, EATHER, sometimes abuse-related sexual dysfunction crops up years after help was first sought. And, yes, some people point to past sexual traumas—real or invented—as a polite, face-saving way to bail on consensual sex that they're not enjoying. ("It's not you, honest, and it's not me. You see, lo these many years ago my uncle….") As it could be either, EATHER, the only way to avoid being a complete asshole—and the adultery already has you teetering on the edge—is to assume she's telling the truth and back the fuck off.

Download a new Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.

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