Savage Love

Josh? When a male escort is engaged for oral sex, it is almost always the escort who is "serviced," not the client, because many gay men—and many, many straight-identified men—actually enjoy giving head. Please make a note of it.

BIF? All those escorts out there graciously accepting blowjobs from their clients? They're not virgins, kiddo, and neither are you. But I can see why you're confused: Abstinence education, purity balls, and the failure of males to evolve hymens has made virginity harder to define. Do we lose our virginities all at once? In dribs and drabs? How can some girls be old pros at oral and anal and still consider themselves virgins on their wedding nights?

Savage Love readers? I'm punting this one to you: What constitutes virginity? When do we lose it? Do we have more than one to lose?

This is in response to IPRUDE, the mother who's worried about her son's online porn consumption. I'll never forget the day my mom found my porn magazines. She never confronted me; I simply lifted the mattress one afternoon to find my precious Penthouses gone. In their place: Sunset magazine and Good Housekeeping. It was a reminder that 1) I needed to do a better job of hiding my porn, and 2) that she wouldn't have found it in the first place if she didn't have to clean my damn room for me. It was the most effective nonconversation we ever had.

Here's an update for the internet age: IPRUDE should clear the cache of her internet browser, so the zillions of porn website addresses don't show up as soon as she begins typing a URL. Cache cleared, Mom should type in some made-up URLs:,, and, etc. It won't matter that these websites don't exist; the browser's autocomplete function will list them as soon as her son types the first letter of his favorite porn URL.

Modern Times

Good advice, MT, thanks for sharing.

Download a new Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at

« Previous Page