By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Here are a few of the fine improvements I expect you to have accomplished by the end of June: tips on how to live well in two worlds; an addition to the reasons why people find you attractive; a crash course that helps you become more fluent in the language of intimacy; richer, more interesting feelings than you've experienced in a long time; and practical insights into how to avoid being flustered by paradoxes that have driven you crazy in the past.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "If you make people think they're thinking," said author Don Marquis, "they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you." My objective in this week's horoscope is to prove him wrong: I want you to love me for making you really think. In the hope of accomplishing this goal, I'm giving you the assignment of revising two of your long-standing opinions or theories about the way the world works. As you aggressively seek out the information that will help you change your mind, try to feel tender compassion for me, the wise guy who's asking you to undertake such an arduous and potentially rewarding task.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When my friend Keith and I were in college in the early 1980s, we were extravagant ambassadors for poetry. On weekends we'd roam from party to party, reciting Neruda poems to audiences of drunk punks and declaiming Ginsberg verses as we teetered on the tops of cars. On occasion we'd scrawl our own poems on the walls of strange living rooms or improvise surrealistic spoken-word rants in the streets, begging for alms. Years later, I write a syndicated astrology column that might be described as a stealth poetry invasion, and Keith is a producer for a national news broadcast, onto which he sometimes brings noted poets to close the show with a lyrical splash. So now I ask you, Aquarius: What raw passion would you like to turn into a polished gig in the future? Now is a good time to make a deep commitment to it.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "I usually solve problems by letting them devour me," wrote Franz Kafka. That's an interesting approach, I guess, and though it might work for a fire sign or air sign, it's not a wise policy for you Pisceans. In fact, I urge you to fervently resist any temptation you might have to allow your problems to gobble you up. On the contrary, be like a gargantuan sea monster in the midst of the perfect storm. Rise up as high as the dark sky and growl back at the thunder. Shoot flames from your mouth at the lightning. Become too big and ancient and wild to ever be devoured.