By Jesse Marx
By Chris Parker
By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "There is nothing in the world more futile than the attempt to find out how a task should be done when one has not yet decided what the task is." Philosopher Alexander Meiklejohn said that, and now I'm relaying his advice to you. Please ignore it if you're having no trouble at all figuring out what you should do next. But if you are the least bit fuzzy about your future direction, spend some time in the coming days defining the precise nature of your short-term goals.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your body, mind, soul, and hairdo have at least temporarily slipped into the kind of alignment that makes you a lightning rod for messages from the future. Want to glimpse a vision of the best three things you can accomplish in the coming year? Sit yourself down in a sanctuary, banish every last shred of fear for 15 minutes, and visualize the person you will be on January 20, 2008. Then ask that beautiful character to telepathically communicate his or her rich secrets to you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your whole life passed before your eyes in a flash, and yet you survived. The veil parted and revealed sights too weird and wonderful to consciously register, changing you in ways that won't fully sink in for months. Now you may feel as if you're waking up at 3 p.m. after an all-night binge. You might be so overloaded with uncanny new wisdom that you don't quite know what practical use to make of it all yet. But have no fear: As your birthday approaches, you'll begin to understand the teachings you didn't even know you absorbed.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Due in part to the relentless barrage of disguised brainwashing in the form of ads, news, and entertainment, most people are not themselves an average of 45 percent of the time. You, however, are currently refuting that scary statistic in style. Your percentage of being-true-to-yourself is at an all-time high, and holding steady above the 85 percent mark. Keep up the good work, Pisces. In fact, take advantage of your momentum to push for even greater authenticity. Say exactly what you mean even more. Think your own thoughts even bigger and louder. Exorcise every last one of the celebrities, entertainers, salesmen, and authorities who have demonically possessed you.