By Jake Rossen
By Jesse Marx
By Michelle LeBow
By Alleen Brown
By Maggie LaMaack
By CP Staff
By Jesse Marx
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Not everything you feel in 2007 will be new, but you'll have a lot more novel emotions than in a typical year. Not everything you do will be creative and imaginative, but I suspect you'll often be improvising your way smartly through experiences that have no precedent. You may not be relentlessly reinventing yourself, but I bet you'll be imitating your old shticks and tricks less than you ever have before.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Your sins are pretty mild, Capricorn. Still, you have from time to time violated some of your own highest standards; you have on occasion failed to live with impeccable ethical integrity. That's the bad news. The good news is that in 2007 you will have the best chance ever to atone for past mistakes. If done well, your corrective actions will win you a permanent vacation from the hell that those mistakes have sometimes trapped you in.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): There are still places in China where plagues of locusts periodically descend in Biblical proportions. A few years ago, farmers in the region of Xinjiang fought back, gathering an army of 10,000 chickens in anticipation of the invading hordes. The bird soldiers were trained for two months, and when the showdown came, they acquitted themselves admirably. This vignette is an apt metaphor for a challenge you'll face in 2007. While in general the year should bring an abundant amount of sweet luck and high adventures, there will be a locust visitation or two. I urge you to assemble your own personal equivalent of a chicken army. What might that mean, practically speaking? Here are some possibilities: (1) Be well-prepared for natural anomalies. (2) Ally yourself with the enemy of your adversary. (3) Get others to help you fight your battles.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You're not wearing a chastity belt right now, right? You don't have on shoes that are so tight that they constrict your sense of adventure? And please tell me you're not lugging around toxic beliefs about the impossibility of experiencing authentic joy in this "sick, twisted, miserable world we live in." But if by chance you have victimized yourself with any of the debilitations I just named--or any other form of self-torture for the matter--please take this opportunity to unburden yourself. The time has come for you to explore the mysteries of pleasure, happiness, and outright euphoria. I hope that in 2007, you will fully exploit the new title I now anoint you with: Bliss Warrior.